Hardhat #1: Paddy, you’re Irish Catholic, right?
Hardhat #2: Yeah.
Passerby: Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene.
Hardhat #2: Shut you fuckin’ mouth! I will believe that crock of shit when you show me a marriage certificate.
–Broad St
Hardhat #1: Paddy, you’re Irish Catholic, right?
Hardhat #2: Yeah.
Passerby: Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene.
Hardhat #2: Shut you fuckin’ mouth! I will believe that crock of shit when you show me a marriage certificate.
–Broad St
Gangsta #1: You guys have any weed?
White hippie: No, sorry. We have some booze coming soon, though.
Gangsta #2: Booze? What the hell?
Gangsta #1: Drinks, you dumbass… [To hippie] That’s cool, that’s cool.
White hippie: Have a good one!
–Central Park
Overheard by: LSB
Girl #1: How often do you get wet?
Girl #2: Oh my god, we’re in public!
Girl #1: Well, I was just wondering, because everybody back home thinks you’re such a slut!
Girl #2: Piss off! At least I’m not a fire crotch!
Girl #1: Don’t you ever call me that ever again, or I’ll delete you off my Top Eight on MySpace!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Andrew
Bearded hipster: … And so I walked into this bar, and this chick just jumped on me and was like, ‘I love your beard!’ I was the only one with a beard, y’know?
Friend: Dude, you look like Santa Claus at, like, age seventeen.
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Overheard by: prefers clean-chaven men
Drama queen, looking at watch: I hope you’re happy. We missed our train.
Stressed mother: Okay, okay… Let’s just look at the board and see when the next train into Stamford IS.
Drama queen: Mo-ooom…
Stressed mother: Listen, Bethany, I can’t help it if the cab driver couldn’t speak English and took us to the wrong place.
Drama queen: I think we both know that we’re late because you’re a fatass and had to stop at Starbucks.
Stressed mother: Bethany, enough.
Drama queen: Mom, I am a child model. I make more money than you do, and I could probably figure out the damn train if you’d let me.
Stressed mother: Enough.
Drama queen: If we don’t get back to Vermont by nine o’clock tonight, I’m never speaking to you again.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Christine
Girl with big hair: It was absolutely crazy.
Friend: I bet it was.
Girl with big hair: It was so messed up. Seriously, it was totally banana-whacked.
Friend: She’s banana-whacked. She’s a banana-whacked slut.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Juliet
Guy: Happy New Year’s, ladies!
Girl #1: Yeah, you too.
Guy: Your face is funny!
Girl #2: What? Fuck you!
Guy: I said, the face you made is funny!
Girl #2: Oh…
Guy: Butt-munch!
–Manhattan Ave, Greenpoint
Girl #1: She’s a neo-con Barbie doll! She’s worse than Ann Coulter.
Girl #2: Not possible.
Girl #1: No, really.
Girl #2: So she’s Dick Cheney with boobs?
–Mercer & Grand
Girl #1: No, no, no. That girl is just plain ugly. [Girl #1 falls flat on her face.]Girl #2: Ummm… sorry. I don’t want to be a bitch, but I think that’s what they call karma.
–Columbia University
Middle-aged man with suitcases: So, where’s the airport, honey?
Russian chick: Oh my god. Oh my god.
Middle-aged wife: What? Newark Airport?
Russian chick: This isn’t the airport, slut!
–Port Authority
