Little boy tugging on mom’s arm: Mommy, why are we here?
Mom: Because everything’s organic, sweetie.
Little boy, excitedly: I love organic!
–Trader Joe’s, Union Square
Overheard by: Lacy
Little boy tugging on mom’s arm: Mommy, why are we here?
Mom: Because everything’s organic, sweetie.
Little boy, excitedly: I love organic!
–Trader Joe’s, Union Square
Overheard by: Lacy
Mother: Hey! You come here right now! I can’t afford to have you running all over this place.
Little boy: Let go of me! Let go of my hand! If you don’t, I will hate you forever and disown you.
Mother: Hey, hey! That’s my job.
–JFK airport
Overheard by: innocent passerby
Dad: You don’t have to talk all the time!
Small boy: … But I don’t.
Dad: Oh, really?!
Small boy: Yeah. I don’t talk in my sleep.
Dad: How the hell do you know that?
Small boy: When I’m sleeping I can actually hear myself not talking…
–27th & 7th
Overheard by: Kleid
10-year-old boy #1: So, I’ll beat up the boys, and you beat up the girls.
10-year-old boy #2: Yeah! I love hitting girls!
–78th & 4th, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Becka
Four-year-old boy, frantically: Mommy! I can’t breathe!
Mother: What?
Four-year-old boy: I can’t breathe!
Mother: Are you kidding?
Four-year-old boy: No, I can’t breathe!
Mother: Why? What’s wrong?
Four-year-old boy: I can’t breathe ’cause the doctor cut my penis!
–Brooklyn Heights
Seventh grader #1: When you get a Brazilian wax they wax in your butt, too!
Seventh grader #2: I don’t think I have hair in my butt.
Seventh grader #3: Actually, one time in sixth grade you bent over and I saw it.
–Locker room, Asphalt Green, 90th & York
Little girl: Guess what I’m wearing?
Mom’s friend: What?
Little girl: Underwear!
–Bagel Boys
Conductor: This is West Fourth Street. Transfer is available to the A, C, E, F, and V trains.
Four-year-old girl: Mommy, he doesn’t sing his ABCs right.
Mom: That’s because he didn’t go to college.
–A train
Small girl’s voice from inside tube: Repeat, I have the prisoner, over.
–McDonald’s playland, 69th & Metro, Queens
Little girl: Mommy, there are no good stones in this city anymore.
–79th & 5th
Little girl, proudly: Mommy, I found this on the floor of the supermarket, so I put it in my mouth.
–Waldbaum’s Supermarket, Sheepshead Bay
Little girl swinging around a receipt: I don’t have to pay taxes! Taaax-esss.
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: Wishing I didnt have to either
Mom to young boy being polite to strangers: Come on, Christopher! Let’s go! People can hold the door open for themselves!
–Barnes & Noble, 7th Ave, Brooklyn
Mom to little son: You think you can do whatever you want?! You came outta my pussy, I sure as hell didn’t come outta yours!
–Magic Johnson Theater, Harlem
Angry dad pulling five-year-old son away from ‘Imagine’ circle: That’s for John Lennon, not for you!
–John Lennon Memorial, Central Park
Overheard by: For Cereal.
Angry mother to six-year-old girl: Kids get murdered! Kids get raped! Life is not free!
–125th St station, 4/5/6 platform
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
Father to three-year-old son: You pinky-promised you wouldn’t act like a bastard!
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Y G B S M
Mom with screaming kids: Come over here! Come over here and pick out which soap you want, because it’s going in your mouth!
–D’Agostino
Overheard by: dank
Mother to four-year-old son: Rodney! Leave that lady alone. She don’t want you. [Grabs son’s arm] I should have read the fine print when I adopted you.
–Jerome & Clinton
