Kids

Father: Is he asleep over there?
Mother: Yeah, he’s dozing. [Looks at other son.] Are you asleep, too?
Son #2: I’m bored.
Mother: He’s always bored. I must’ve been bored when I made him. [Stands up and leans on father’s knee and starts humping.] I’m bored, I’m bored[yawns], I’m bored.
Father: That guy is looking at you.
Mother: So? He doesn’t look boring like you.

–Queens-bound F train

Overheard by: That guy on the F Train

Headline by: Jason

Runners-Up:
· “Charles and Diana Ride the Subway?” – Shawn
· “Most Priests Aren’t That Exciting” – Brock
· “They Don’t Call It the F Train for Nothing” – Sean McGurr
· “This Is the Express Train: From Boring to Whoring” – Sim Etrias
· “Try the Middle Leg….it’s Less Boring” – nicky c.

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Toothless lady to fat friend: I gotta go to Jersey ’cause my sister shitted out another kid.
Fat friend: Damn.

–Union & Metropolitan, Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Rushing dad dragging kid along: Well, most super guys are good guys.
Four-year-old son: No, some super guys are bad.
Rushing dad: What would make a super guy a bad super guy?
Four-year-old son: Well, he might suck. Like, if he couldn’t walk fast…

–Penn Station

Overheard by: klutch

Woman: See? She is a good dog!
Child: Except when she eats her own poop.

–Carmine & Varick

Overheard by: Marcy

Mom: I need a size ‘Small.’
Little girl, loudly: Mommy, aren’t you a Large?

–H&M, 51st & 5th

Overheard by: Pooja

Small boy pointing to stick shift: What’s that?
Uncle: That’s the stick shift for driving the car.
Small boy: Oh. Does Auntie drive a fish stick ,too?

–Yankee Stadium parking lot

Four-year-old boy in Superman cape being carried by exhausted mom: Owie! Owie, owie, owie! [Mom sets him down.] Now I won’t even be able to do yoga!

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: bemused bostonian

Thug #1: We don’t even go to the movies or nothin’. She just comes over to smash it and then she leaves. She knows, too. She just comes over for some pipin’.
Thug #2: That’s where it’s at.
Thug #1: She got a 10-year-old li’l nigga, too. She knows not to ask for somethin’ serious. That li’l nigga in fifth grade! That nigga on MySpace!

–Houston & Suffolk

Overheard by: Rhymes With Lasagna

Headline by: ja

Runners-Up:
· “…And “To Catch A Predator”” – Stuck in the MidWest
· “He Comes Over for Some Pipin’ Too.” – Courtney
· “I Just Have to Wait for Her to Be in Eigth.” – Snark Sloper
· “That Li’l Nigga Gots Roast Beef and This Li’l Nigga Gots None.” – johnnyb
· “The Nucular Family” – Bill
· “The Waltons, 2007” – G’night, John Boy

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Skater kid #1: Dude, why did they close the door on your grandma?
Skater kid #2: I don’t know — least she won’t be seen with us.
Skater kid #1: Haha, true.

–Q train

Overheard by: Nicole

Middle-aged woman: Spider-Man uses his spider sense to smell bad guys, but he can’t use it to smell Venom.
Little boy: But Grandma, if he can’t smell Venom, he’s invisible!
Middle-aged woman: No, he can still see him, but he can’t use his spider sense to smell him, so he’s dangerous.
Little boy: Look, a parrot!

–Barnes & Noble, 86th St