Yuppie mom: What did you do today, honey?
Three-year-old daughter: I don’t feel like talking, Mommy!
–10th & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Yuppie mom: What did you do today, honey?
Three-year-old daughter: I don’t feel like talking, Mommy!
–10th & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Sister: What’s with all the celebs trying to adopt kids from every different country in the world?
Brother: I don’t know. It’s getting old already — it’s almost like they are doing it because it’s the ‘in’ thing to do. It’s ridiculous… I mean, take Oprah, for instance — she builds schools and homes for them and leaves them in their natural habitat. I think it’s better that way.
–Flight to NYC
Mom: That’s the moon!
Little boy: That’s not called the moon! That’s called an impending alien invasion!
–Columbia University
Mother: Do they still have ninjas?
Six-year-old boy: Duh, Mom — in Japan.
Mother: Oh, I only knew about the Ninja Turtles.
–Escalator, Grand Central
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Professor hobo: Now listen, folks. You got them crazies preachin’ the end of the world. They’s saying God’s gonna come and un-begat us all the way to Adam. I’m not like that. I’m not. Listen — I’m not — so listen, okay? Listen. See, I’m a man of science. No heavenly undoing here. There’s a black hole comin’ this way. Those niggas comin’ at like a thousand light miles an hour. I don’t need no wheelchair super-talk from my computer to know that. It’ll come and it’ll steal your children. Pull ’em from bed and rape ’em and eat ’em. That’s what them black holes do. Eat you. You and your children. Science!
–7 train
Small group of tourist kids singing loudly: I believe I can fly… I believe I can touch the sky…
Mom: That’s what you think!
–74th & Broadway
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Little girl singing in stall: It’s okay that Mommy is a man, Mommy is a man, Mommy is a man! It’s okay that…
Mom: Brooke! Jesus Christ!
Little girl: Oh, Mommy is a man la la la la la! Can we get tacos?
–Restroom, MoMA
Overheard by: ChaChaCha
Man on cell: Okay, so do we want to make a girl or a boy tonight? ‘Cause if we want to make a boy I have to go get my football gear out of my mom’s attic. Do I actually have to hold the football the whole time or just for a little bit?
–34th & 2nd
Dude: You know what? I’m just going to drop out of college and play baseball, ’cause I’ve always wanted to play for the NBA!
–SJU baseball field
Overheard by: rach boogie
Hipster: If baseball was a person, you would be racist.
–L train
Overheard by: Aidan
Man: I have reffed more basketball games this season than you have underpants.
–55th & 7th
Overheard by: Caroline
Conductor: This is Willets Point-Shea Stadium… Home of, y’know, that other team.
–Flushing-bound 7 train
Young child at end of show: Is it halftime yet?
–Radio City Music Hall
Overheard by: amused tourist
Angry lady to boyfriend: They don’t pay my fucking rent! They don’t eat my fucking pussy!
–E 9th & 5th
Man on cell: It comes down to about seven dollars a blowjob.
–59th & 5th
Wheelbo, politely: Excuse me, does the bus stop here? [Ignored, so addresses next passerby politely] Pardon me, ma’am? Are you looking for a dick to suck?
–42nd & Madison
Overheard by: No, I am not.
SVA photography teacher: You’d have a better time giving head to King Kong than using this method.
–SVA, 21st & 3rd
Overheard by: student
Kid on cell: … So I said, ‘You can suck my dick for some of your spaghetti.’
–Outside hardware store, 102nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Josh
Dude: If I could’ve gone down on a donkey I would have done it.
–W New York hotel, Union Square
17-year-old girl on cell: So, this girl was eating me out, right? [Pause] Oh, sorry, I have the wrong number.
–Starbucks, Union Square West
Woman on cell: So, the doctor tells me to get on the table. He could’ve told me to get on the table and be a dog and I would’ve hopped on there and went, ‘Bow-wow, motherfuck.’
–6 train
Overheard by: SilentButDeadly
Young girl to mother: Do you think I’m a dog? I’ll tell you if I am.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: vm
30-ish woman: Tom’s* ass, to me, is like a steak to a sleeping dog… Rrruff!
–34th & 5th
Overheard by: hungry dog
Big black man: My friend is looking for people to sell cocaine for him. He figured out this great way to get around the dogs — they’re scared of bigger animals, so he puts all his drugs in bull shit.
–Bus, Broadway
Overheard by: lora
Dude: Are those things dogs or are those things people?
–Union Square
Overheard by: The Baron
Checkout chick: So, that’s my dilemma — do I spend my tax refund on a chihuahua or a Master’s degree?
–Warehouse Wines, 770 Broadway
Overheard by: Jamie
