Girl #1: That Major English Texts class is ridiculous. You had to memorize soo much.
Girl #2: You’re not even in that class! I’m in that class…so I would know. You shouldn’t be complaining!
Girl #1: I’m the TA, asshole.
–Columbia University
Girl #1: That Major English Texts class is ridiculous. You had to memorize soo much.
Girl #2: You’re not even in that class! I’m in that class…so I would know. You shouldn’t be complaining!
Girl #1: I’m the TA, asshole.
–Columbia University
Construction worker #1: …I don’t know, maybe a dozen or so.
Construction worker #2: Okay, but how many relationships have you had?
–55th between Park & Madison
Overheard by: Katie Compa
Bored tour guide: Will your son use the gym? Does Satan like team sports?
Parents of shy 17-year-old: Uh. . .our son’s name is “Sie-tahn”. No team sports, but he’s been a life-guard.
Tour guide: Oh, Satan likes to swim?
–Outside Dodge Fitness Center, Columbia University
Queer #1: Do you know anyone named Jonathan who is here tonight?
Queer #2: I know five Jonathans who are here tonight. Why?
Queer #1: Because this guy named Jonathan just came up and started making out with me and then left.
Queer #2: That sounds like all five Jonathans.
–View Bar, 22nd & 8th
Guy #1: I hate my job, my boss is a dick, and if he does not get off my back, I swear I’ll blow that motherfucker up!
Guy #2: Quit
Guy #1: Oh yeah, man quess what? I just got a kick ass raise the other week.
–33rd & Lex
Queer #1: So the whole time you were married you weren’t going out with men?
Queer #2: Nope.
–Bleecker & 6th
Chick: I’m going to get some popcorn. Do you want anything to eat?
Queer: Nah, no thanks.
Chick: So just my vajayjay then?
Queer: Yep, thanks.
–Lincoln Square Theater, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jas
Conductor: This is 59th Street, Columbus Circle. Next Stop 72nd. Please use all available doors, folks. Please, use all available doors and walk to the center of the car. I’m talking to you, lady. Yeah, you in the purple standing by the door. Walk… in… to… the…. middle. Don’t give me that face, just get in the middle.
Woman in purple: Jesus! I’m switching cars. Fuck you, nigga!
The doors close.
Conductor: Haha, bitch.
–D train, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Lauren Michelle
Woman: Hey, when’s that movie Snakes on a Plane ever gonna come out?
Old man: What? What’s that?
Woman: Maybe it’s just a joke. Like the “L” in Samuel “el” Jackson’s name. I think that’s a joke too, like, what is he? Samuel “the” Jackson?
Old man: Who’s that?
Woman: Just eat your hot dog, dad.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Kershinator
