Q: What's Black and White and Red All Over? A: An Embarrassed Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most embarrassing thing in the bathroom.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: V

Woman to roommate: When we get home, we'll have embarrassing sexual accidents!

–Pathmark, Massapequa

Overheard by: Are they really accidents if you plan ahead?

Nerdy TA: The thesis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It's a little embarrassing, no one really wants to give it, but it'll make you grow as adults.

–Columbia University

Girl to friend: I'm not embarrassed that I peed in his bed. I'm just not.

–Columbia University

Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, "how embarrassing would it be riding on a bike with a nun."

–Grand Central

Overheard by: galgal

Posted on May 30, 2016
Accidents, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Home, Sweet Home, Nerds, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Poop, Religion, Sex, Store, Street, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

That's What You Said About Chuck E. Cheese's, and Now We're Not Allowed Back!

Little boy: Daddy, I gotta pee!
Dad: Son, we're in Central Park, everywhere is a bathroom.

–Central Park

Posted on February 24, 2016
Central Park, Dads, Kids, Offers and requests, Parents, Parks, Pee

I'm Getting Kind Of Tired Of Falling Back on That

Trashy Jersey man: That guy is such a jerk to his wife.
Trashy Jersey woman: Yeah, one time I peed myself in his car just to make him mad. I told him, “I just peed in your car.” He was mad.
Trashy Jersey man: That was a good idea. Or you could have busted his face with a bottle.

–2 Train

Posted on November 19, 2015
B & T, Cars and Driving, Gossip, Insults, On the Subway, Pee, Violence, Weirdness

But He Really Had to at That Point, Y'know?

12-year-old boy to two 12-year-old girls, ending long story: So my dad peed in the apple pie!
12-year-old girls: Eeeeewwwww!

–W 77th & Columbus

Overheard by: Stephen

Posted on November 7, 2015
Food, Parents, Pee, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

…Who Said It's What Jesus Would Do

(friend #1 looks into friend #2's Duane Reade bag)
Friend #1: Athlete foot's medicine?
Friend #2: Yeah, it's summer.
Friend #1: No! Just pee on your feet in the shower. I learned that from Madonna!

–Duane Reade, Chelsea

Overheard by: Wil Reyes

Posted on October 16, 2015
About Celebrities, Advice, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Duane Reade, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, Pee, Questions

Sorry about Those Prada Loafers

Doctor, in neighboring exam room: Now, after I give you these pills, you’re probably going to start peeing.
Old woman: I’m peeing now!

–Lennox Hill Hospital

Posted on September 16, 2015
Doctors, Hospitals, Medicine, Old People, Pee

Maybe I’m Squeezing You Too Hard (AKA Escape from the Port Authority)

Guy: Dude, is it just me, or does it hurt when you pee too?

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Kris

Posted on August 17, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Guys, Idiots, One-liners, Pee, Port Authority, Questions, STDs

Jon Lovitz, Is That You Again?

Girl #1: Oh my gosh. I have to pee so bad. Do you think this restaurant will let me use their bathroom?
Girl #2: I don't know, why don't you ask?
Hobo, sunbathing in front of restaurant: Why, of course you may use the bathroom, young lady. But you will have to pay $5.
Girl #1: How do you know?
Hobo: Because this is my restaurant and I own this building.
Girl #2: I find that hard to believe.
Hobo: Look, you can believe me or not, but if you don't pay me the $5 fee, I'm going to expose my golden privates to you. Either way, I come out on top, you see?
Girl #2: Unbelievable! (walks away)
Hobo: Why, thank you.

–Times Square

Posted on August 13, 2015
Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Pee, Private Parts, Questions, Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Powder Their Noses

Female suit in bathroom stall: Well, are you gonna have those files? (pauses, makes bathroom noises) Okay, well, I need it today. Listen…okay…(pauses, more bathroom noises) Great! (pauses, toilet flushes) No, it's okay, go ahead. (pauses) Okay, no, I'm really sorry–I'm just entering the subway, that's what all that noise was. (storms out of the bathroom, doesn't wash her hands)

–34th St & 9th St

Flustered 50-something suit: It's burning! It's burning!

–Penn Station Bathroom

Man in stall: There should be a law against what's coming out of me.

–25th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: I agree

Suit in bathroom on cell: Honey, I can't talk to you right now. (pause) I'm in the bathroom! (pause) I've got a fucking dick in my hand! (pause) What do you mean whose dick?

–Restroom, Grand Central

Six-year-old kid, finishing at urinal: Shake the weasel!

–Men's Room, Regal Battery Park City Cinemas

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Posted on August 13, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Battery Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Fire, Gays and Lesbians, Grand Central, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Penn Station, Poop, Sensory Experiences, Street, Suits, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Pee

Jon Lovitz, Is That You Again?