Sexy blonde: My doctor said that you are supposed to poop at least once a day.
Sexy brunette: Shit! I ain’t pooped in a week!
–Grand St
Overheard by: Les Chinatown
Sexy blonde: My doctor said that you are supposed to poop at least once a day.
Sexy brunette: Shit! I ain’t pooped in a week!
–Grand St
Overheard by: Les Chinatown
Nerdy chick picking dirt off shoe with fingernail: I wonder how I got all this mud on my shoe…
Nerdy boyfriend: That’s not mud; that’s dog shit.
Nerdy chick, horrified: How do you know?!
Nerdy boyfriend: I saw you step in it on our way over here.
–Great Lawn, Central Park
Overheard by: Big Larry
Blonde: Freaking-A, my prostate hurts! Does your prostate ever hurt?
Brunette: Um, girls don’t have prostates.
Blonde: Um, yeah we do, idiot.
Brunette: No, girls do not have prostates. Only guys do.
Blonde: You’re stupid — girls and guys have prostates. What do you think makes you poop?
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: girls have prostates? hm wierd.
Lady: I had the worst experience at that restaurant.
Friend: What did you have?
Lady: Horrible diarrhea.
Friend: I meant, what did you order?
–51st & 8th
Overheard by: raquel
Creepster #1: Jesus, all the people who come to the zoo smell like shit.
Creepster #2: Or maybe that’s just the zoo…
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Where is my deodorant?
Michigan middle schooler #1: Ewww!
Michigan middle schooler #2, to NY high schooler: You have poop on your butt!
NY high schooler: It’s not poop, it’s floor adhesive!
–Lincoln Center
School child #1: Yo, Tupac is still alive.
School child #2: Yeah, I heard that, too. I heard he’s strippin’. He’s a stripper in LA.
A small child with them gets off train.
Old woman: Get back on the train! [Small child gives her the finger with both hands and runs away.]School child #1: Yo, who is that kid?
School child #2: I don’t know. I saw him in the bathroom. He was takin’ a shit and he came out and smiled at me… And that’s how I know him.
–G train
Loudspeaker: Sir, do not take a dump on the platform, sir. Sir, do not take a dump on the platform!
–Times Square 42nd St. station
Overheard by: JohnnyD
Teen to friends: Man, for about two weeks this girl had me convinced that girls don’t poop. Somehow it came up in conversation and she was just like, ‘What are you talking about? Girls don’t poop.’ Idiot. I was like, ‘Ohhh my god.’
–A train
Overheard by: Moheed
Crazy man to old lady: You down with OPP? You down with OPP? You down with OPP? Because I just pooped.
–Shuttle to Times Square
Guy in stall, on cell: What am I doing? I’m dropping the kids off at the pool… What do you mean, what do I mean?… I’m taking a shit!… Hold on, I’ll hold the phone by my ass so you can hear the turd splash.
–Men’s room, Ruby Tuesday
Overheard by: Big Larry
Woman on cell: Why does he always do that? He just stopped in the middle of the street, looked me straight in the eyes, and took a giant, steamy dump.
–5th St & Ave A
Lady on cell: Well, it’s not like you can catch anything from yourself. It’s other people’s feces you have to worry about.
–55th & 8th
Overheard by: Murph
Man: Don’t you want to go to the water?
Woman, wiping something off her arm with a napkin: No. I’ve had enough poop for today.
–Central Park South, between 5th & 6th
Overheard by: Victor
Three-year-old girl on cell, walking with nanny: I will… I will, I will! Hey, don’t give me a hard time!
–54th & Lex
Little Dominican boy: … Because back in the day, people had names like Washington and York and Downtown.
–Social Studies class, PS 8, Brooklyn
Young child: Mommy, can you feel my forehead? I think I have AIDS.
–Prince St
Overheard by: Alaina
Small, weeping boy to mother pushing smaller kid in stroller: No! No! It’s not necessary! Every time I say you hurt my feelings, you say it right back to me! It’s not necessary!
–73rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Shrieking four-year-old: French fries! [Angry mother glares straight ahead and keeps on walking, gripping child’s hand.] You know what’s wrong with you? I’ll tell you what’s wrong with you. You don’t give me enough French fries!
–Waverly & 6th
Overheard by: Marisa
Little girl to mom: Shit is the same thing as sex, right?
–Garden of Eden, Brooklyn Heights
