Girl: … So if it’s green we’ll know.
Guy: I once shit green.
Girl: Me, too.
–E 7th St
Girl: … So if it’s green we’ll know.
Guy: I once shit green.
Girl: Me, too.
–E 7th St
Male employee: I need to take a crap.
Girl coworker: Thanks for sharing.
Male employee: I have been waiting, though.
Girl coworker: Why?
Male employee: Because after that the highlight of my work day is done.
–N Manhattan Ave
Hot chick: Oh, you live on Amsterdam? I used to live on Amsterdam. I threw a bowl of diarrhea out of my window once. Don’t do drugs!
–27th & 30th, Astoria
Queer: I have to buy some toilet paper today. I’m tired of wiping my ass with cocktail napkins.
–36th & Park
Tipsy dude: Do you know what’s awesome? Giant robots can’t even shit on people!
–Sly Fox bar, East Village
Overheard by: Cait O’Connor
Student on cell: Hello, professor? Professor? Oh, he’s taking a shit? Okay, I’ll call back later.
–Arthur Ave
Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand
Girl: He pulled out and she shit all over. [Friend puts down her chopsticks.]
–Oyama Sushi
Overheard by: No longer hungry
Teen #1: My shits change color. They be green, then they dark brown…
Teen #2: Green? Nah…
Teen #3: My shits be green.
Teen #4: Yeah, I seen his shits be green.
Teen #1: Look! Look right now. My eyes be green.
Teen #4: That nigga wear contacts.
–A train
Overheard by: TMI
Yuppie: Listen to this, Mom — I got home and the cat was completely covered in shit and blood!
Sweet old lady: Sorry, dear? I couldn’t quite hear you.
Yuppie: Shit and blood!
–122nd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: HuntingSnark
Toothless lady to fat friend: I gotta go to Jersey ’cause my sister shitted out another kid.
Fat friend: Damn.
–Union & Metropolitan, Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Woman: See? She is a good dog!
Child: Except when she eats her own poop.
–Carmine & Varick
Overheard by: Marcy
Young woman: I drink a tea for that.
Middle-aged yenta: Does it make you poop? I should drink some of that.
Young woman: You couldn’t handle it.
Middle-aged yenta: Is it that bad?
Young woman: No, you just don’t know when to expect it. It could come at any time.
–86th & Lex
Overheard by: Heather
Man #1: Have you ever tasted Bitter Melon?
Man #2: Yeah, and it tastes exactly like shit.
Man #1: How do you know what shit tastes like?
Man #2, motions head towards wife: From licking her ass.
–Wo Hop, 17 Mott St
Overheard by: Big Larry
Man to friend: I wonder if that dingleberry fell out of my ass yet.
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: #2
Drunk guy: Yeah, I’d pick corn out of your shit to have sex with you.
–5th & Ave B
Fourth grade boy #1: I love to be eatin’ the dead skin off the bottom of my feet. It be tastin’ mad salty! [Friend smiles and nods in agreement.]
–Classroom, 106th & 1st
Little kid, screaming: Pick my nose! Pick my nose! Pick my nose! Pick my nose!
–JFK
Overheard by: Ladle
