MTA worker, holding bucket: Hey! Buddy, did you take a shit over there by that machine?
Hobo, laughing: Not yet!
–A/C/E/L station, 14th & 8th
Overheard by: JayBee
MTA worker, holding bucket: Hey! Buddy, did you take a shit over there by that machine?
Hobo, laughing: Not yet!
–A/C/E/L station, 14th & 8th
Overheard by: JayBee
Lady on cell: Well, would you still say no if I told you I’d shove graphite up your ass? Oh, you would? Yeah, I mean literally up your ass. You’d still say no? Well, I guess that means I’m coming over tonight, then… And did you want me to bring takeout? Maybe lasagna?
–Dressing room, Anthropologie
Meathead: Yo, 50 foot of chain and a tow-rig couldn’t pull my tongue out of her ass.
–Bleecker & Sullivan
Overheard by: The Greek
Lady suit: No, no… You get it up the butt… You get all the nutrients up the butt.
–43rd & 9th
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Chick on cell: Who wants to shove shit up themselves for seven days?!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Ladle
Woman exiting elevator, to friend: Yeah, I love you, but you have got to keep your fingers out of my ass.
–Lobby of MCNY, Canal & Varick
Girl yuppie to boy yuppie: The only way he did it was by taking suppositories before every walk.
–9th & 3rd
Overheard by: brigdh
Old guy, after being bumped by passerby: Fucking asshole! Get that shit out of your ass! Stop using those damn tampons!
–23rd & 3rd
Girl: Yeah, the room in the apartment is only four hundred bucks a month.
Guy: No way! No place in the city is only four hundred a month. You probably have to shit in the bathtub.
–Bainbridge & Malcolm X, Brooklyn
Jock #1: Man I would be pissed, too, if there was poo-poo in my shoe-shoe.
Jock #2: Yeah, dude. Totally.
–Manhattan College, Bronx
Woman to friend: I’ll poop on them! I’ll poop all over anyone or anything — that’s not the problem. Just please don’t cut my vagina!
–34th St
Overheard by: tori
High school kid: So, we’re on the train and he pulls down and his pants and takes a shit right there on the seat! To top it off, he takes the shit and starts writing with it. He writes ‘This train smells shitty’ with the shit! [After kid leaves with posse, old lady bursts out laughing.]
–McDonald’s, Ditmars
Overheard by: it was her!
Crackhead to no one, checking out lady passerby: Damn, look at that ass! I’d suck the shit outta that ass…
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: wasn’t that nice
Man, pointing to woman’s dog: You have to squeeze his innards to make sure he poops at the right time…
–15th & Union Square West
Overheard by: glad i’m not that dog….
Drunk girl to kneeling friend: I’m gonna shit on your face!
–10th & 3rd
Asian guy: Horse shit is awesome!
–The Met
Spanish chick #1: It’s good to take a shit a few hours before sex.
Spanish chick #2: My anus is feces-free. Dig in!
–Taco Bell, 60th & Northern Blvd
Overheard by: Mariela
Girl: … So if it’s green we’ll know.
Guy: I once shit green.
Girl: Me, too.
–E 7th St
Male employee: I need to take a crap.
Girl coworker: Thanks for sharing.
Male employee: I have been waiting, though.
Girl coworker: Why?
Male employee: Because after that the highlight of my work day is done.
–N Manhattan Ave
Hot chick: Oh, you live on Amsterdam? I used to live on Amsterdam. I threw a bowl of diarrhea out of my window once. Don’t do drugs!
–27th & 30th, Astoria
Queer: I have to buy some toilet paper today. I’m tired of wiping my ass with cocktail napkins.
–36th & Park
Tipsy dude: Do you know what’s awesome? Giant robots can’t even shit on people!
–Sly Fox bar, East Village
Overheard by: Cait O’Connor
Student on cell: Hello, professor? Professor? Oh, he’s taking a shit? Okay, I’ll call back later.
–Arthur Ave
Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand
Girl: He pulled out and she shit all over. [Friend puts down her chopsticks.]
–Oyama Sushi
Overheard by: No longer hungry
Teen #1: My shits change color. They be green, then they dark brown…
Teen #2: Green? Nah…
Teen #3: My shits be green.
Teen #4: Yeah, I seen his shits be green.
Teen #1: Look! Look right now. My eyes be green.
Teen #4: That nigga wear contacts.
–A train
Overheard by: TMI
