Lady: Hey, your dog just went to the bathroom; aren’t you going to pick that up?
Guy: Who the hell elected you the shit police?
–Battery Park
Lady: Hey, your dog just went to the bathroom; aren’t you going to pick that up?
Guy: Who the hell elected you the shit police?
–Battery Park
Father: Oh, you mean hummus. Hamas is a terrorist organization.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Daniel Radosh
Man on stoop on cell: Son, it sounds like you got yourself an STD.
–Windsor Terrace
Overheard by: LaurenG
Dad: Now don’t go getting lost again. It cost me a lot of money to get you back last time.
–Bronx Zoo
Father: It was because of nuclear proliferation. All the dinosaurs shot nukes at each other.
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: JB
Man: The last time a bird pooped on me I met your mother.
–Central Park Zoo
Chick #1: He has to know.
Chick #2: Well I am human.
Chick #1: He can’t expect that you won’t. I mean, if you move in together. Come on.
Chick #2: I’ve been taking these things call Senna Tabs.
Chick #1: Are they good?
Chick #2: They’re awesome.
Chick #1: I’ve been having the worst time of it
Chick #2: Here, I’ve got some with me. Try one
Chick #1: It won’t work immediately right? I’ve got some shopping to do.
–F train
Overheard by: Dave Chambers
Guy: I want to go to FIT so I can hook up with girls.
–27th & 7th
Girl: I mean, I got shat on at Harvard.
–9th Street & 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Kamran Javadizadeh
Woman: Is there a special event going on at Columbia this summer? Because I’ve seen a lot of Asians around.
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: Carrie
Hipster girl: I mean, I’ve got like, over 160 facebook friends. Does that not mean anything?
–56th & 6th
Overheard by: Joyce Shen
Sociology professor: No one knows what the hell Derrida is talking about, but we all pretend we do anyway.
–Columbia
Overheard by: djlindee
New mom #1: I’ve been constipated for the past three months.
New mom #2: Tell me about it.
–Madison Square Park
Woman: Oh my god, I love my cat. My cat is my reason for living. My cat is like a dog, only in cat form…
–34th & 8th
Hawker guy: AM New York! The rooster of newspapers! Find out why I’m a cock-a-doodle-do-ing!
–42nd & Lexington
Suit on cell: I can’t wait to get back to Boston. This town is like an elephant graveyard for my exes. Yeah, instead of elephants, all my exes come here to rest.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Matt Murdock
Girl: I hit a firefly driving up there and my windshield was all gooey, slimy and shiny…so I thought of you.
–Washington Square
Queer: Ohmigod, I thought that was the ugliest baby in the world, but it’s a bulldog.
–West 4th & Cornelia
Overheard by: Raphael
Girl: I’ve never been pooped on. At least not by a bird.
–71st & 1st
Guy: …yes, I’m going to put that in my octopus.
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Jenny + Pete
Girl: Whoa, it smells like hamster piss right here.
–1st & 1st
Teen boy: Man, next time I see him, it’s over. I’ll throw worms on his ass if I have to.
–Fordham Road
Crazy guy: Want to see my website? It’ll cost you. Want to see it? $100. Naw, you don’t have that sort of money. I need to jazz it up. It has pictures of dead animals on it.
–D train
Overheard by: Taybin Rutkin
Girl #1: Oh my god, I really need to shit so bad, there’s no way I can meet him like this!
Girl #2: Go in there, I’m sure they’ll let you, you know…
Girl #1: They have cockroaches in there; I’d never put my ass down where there are cockroaches.
Girl #2: But you’d put your ass down where there’s cock.
Girl #1: Maybe…but not with so much junk up there right now.
–7th & A
Guy: Hey, lady, you need to slow the fuck down…your dog needs to take a fuckin’ dump…just look at his swollen-ass asshole!
–Times Square
Indian woman on cell: You are a terrible, terrible man. You are a horrible shit of piece.
–60th between Lexington & 3rd
Overheard by: Navyboy
Guy: If she was a dinosaur, she’d be an assaraptus.
–Astoria
Overheard by: shane matthews
Lady on cell: OK, so you know Alisha? She’s Poop’s best friend…yeah, Poop.
–77th & Lexington
Overheard by: marissa
Wife: I’m just saying say, “excuse me.” I ain’t asking you to hold it in or nothing; it’s a natural part of life. I mean, if you need to let it out, let it out. I’m just saying say, “excuse me.” Have some damn manners. We fart, we all fart, but just say, “excuse me.”
–Central Park
Overheard by: Alex Liebman
Guy: I will say this: butts are weird, and fickle. You can put that in your dissertation.
–111th between Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: djlindee
Guy #1: Oh man, you have to try this dessert I had the other night.
Guy #2: OK, what is it?
Guy #1: It’s this plum pie I had a la mode. Incredible.
Guy #2: That sounds like something European fags eat to stop diarrhea.
Guy #1: I said plum, not prune.
–Christopher & Hudson
Overheard by: Global Hipster
White woman: You see why I don’t live in Manhattan, especially on the Upper East Side.
White man: Why is that?
White woman: Too many freaking dogs. Everybody and their mother have a goddamn dog. The Upper East Side smells like dog shit and these people will not clean up after their dogs.
White man: I know what you mean. Too many dogs.
White woman: These people should be shot for not cleaning up after their dogs. They should not be allowed to own an animal if they can’t clean up after it. What, rich and snobbish people aren’t allowed to pick up dog crap, is that it?
White man: Well, at least the West Side is not so bad.
White woman: I’m not sure it is any better.
–80th & 3rd
