Race

Build a Relationship with Wednesday One-liners

Woman: Every time I date Greek men I get fat…Every single time!

–South Cove, Battery Park City

Guy on cell: I know man, sometimes I wish you were her husband instead of me.

–Starbucks, Union Square West

Overheard by: alison

Chick on cell: …so I said, “Stop calling me. It was a one night stand.”

–F train

Black queer: So who is this guy, anyway? Has anybody even met this guy you say you’re dating? Or is he like that “Bob” guy you put in your car so you can drive in the H.O.V. lane?

–Times Square

Guy: She has…two one-eyed cats. She’s never getting engaged.

–Madison Square Park

Even a Penny Helps, Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: She’s fine, I’d fuck her…her too. And that one. And….ooh, not her, you can have that one.

–Madison Square Park

Old hobo: Who the fuck said black people are dangerous? The next person I hear say that I am throwing in the next dumpster!

–40th & 8th

Hobo: People, if you do not have a useable skill and/or a good pussy, you do not get that train ticket home!

–Times Square

That Must Sting Their Holes

Guy #1: What are you drinking?
Guy #2: Dos Equis. With a lime.
Guy #1: All Mexican beers come with limes.
Guy #2: Dude, all Mexicans come with limes.

–Croxley Ales, Avenue B

But Can He Get a Cab in Rome?

Guy #1: The next Pope might be black.
Guy #2: That guy’s not black. He’s African.

–Staten Island ferry

That Place Being Any NYC Taxi

Asian guy: But it’s the 21st century!
White guy: That’s true, but there’s always a place for racism.

–13th between 7th & 8th

Overheard by: E. Jung

A preppy boy whistles and waves at a cab. The cab ignores him, and as it passes the boy yells: What’s your problem, am I Black or something?

–Park & 55th

She Was First Appointed by Mayor HR Pufnstuf

Teenage girl #1: So Judge Judy is a racist.
Teenage girl #2: Isn’t she in charge of all the New York judges, don’t they all report to her?
Teenage girl #3: Nah, I think she’s just in charge of the TV judges.

–2 train

Overheard by: Lisa Marshall

Wiggers Have Their Moments

White homeboy #1: Son, I saw this comedian on TV last night, this black comedian–
White homeboy #2: Son, black guys are always so funny!

–Vanderbilt YMCA, East 47th Street

Overheard by: Palaverist

Three Entries Submitted In A Row

Black guy: They’re taking over! Where the shit am I supposed to eat?

–Rivington Street

Customer: I’ll have a slice of the eggplant.
Pizza guy: You know that’s organic right?
Customer: That’s fine. How long have you guys been organic?
Pizza guy: Oh, about 2 weeks now. The white girls are loving it.

–Delancey & Essex pizzeria

Overheard by: Brian

Dad (to son, 6): Do you want to go to Cafe Pertutti or Oren’s Daily Roast?

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: RPK

I Only Know Conversational Latin

Hipster #1: But you’re not even Chinese!
Hipster #2: That doesn’t matter.
Hipster #1: It does because any non-Asian person who eats with chopsticks is pretentious.
Hipster #2: I’m not pretentious because I’m an American who uses chopsticks; I’m pretentious because I speak fluent Latin.

–103rd St. station

Lorraine Hansberry is Spinning in Her Grave

Black kid #1: …you mean the gay nigger?
Black kid #2: No, the black-brown nigger.

–outside Boerum Hill Food Company, Smith Street

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