Foreign exchange student: So, Claudia, since your boyfriend’s modeling career is taking off, have you thought of ever going abroad?
Latina: Nah, not really.
Foreign exchange student: Well, you could go to London.
Latina: Ohhh, no. I don’t got the time to learn the language.
Foreign exchange student: But Claudia, it’s England — they speak English!
Latina: Well, you know what I mean.
–Fashion Institute of Technology
College guy #1: Did Dwayne go home this weekend?
College guy #2: Yeah. Like a bitch.
College guy #1: I think we should just call him Drew. Then nobody will know who he is.
–School of Visual Arts dorm
Health student #1: It’s a man’s obligation to stick his boneration in a women’s separation to increase the population of the younger generation. I got this information from the board of education…
Health student #2: No, it should go like this: It’s a man’s obligation to stick his cockulation into a women’s ventilation to increase the population of the younger generation of our nation. I got this information from the board of education. If you want a demonstration, lie down.
–Middle school, Manhattan
Overheard by: Nathan Red
Confused girl: Why do you have strings coming out of your pants?
Boy: It’s a Jewish thing.
–LaGuardia High
English teacher: Midas wanted everything he touched to turn to gold. What did he touch?
Student: His stuff…?
English teacher: Let’s not even go there.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Fag hag: Who was that guy?
Queer: I dunno! I can’t remember the name of every guy I’ve slept with.
Fag hag: You never got the names of half the guys you’ve slept with.
–Circle in the Square Theatre School
Ice cream man: Yo, man, can I get a cigarette?
Male student: Uh, sure. They’re cloves — is that okay?
Ice cream man: Yeah, man. Just need some air in my lungs [lights up in the ice cream truck]. Yo, you must love going here. You must wake up in the morning and be like, ‘Mmm, smells like…’ Hahaha
–Outside F.I.T.
Overheard by: Monochrome
Professor: What have I told you about fairness?
Student: That we should forget about it.
Professor: Yes!
–NYU Law School
First year law student: Don’t you think Disney World is romantic?
Second year law student: Anything can be romantic.
First year law student: Yes, anything can be romantic… if you’re on the right drugs.
–Cardozo Law School
Overheard by: Ronaldo
Girl: Jerk.
Guy: Why do you always say that?
Girl: Asshole.
Guy: You always say that, too!
–St. John’s University
