Guy: Can I get some cigars?
Attendant: Yeah, are you over 18?
Guy: Yeah.
Attendant: That’s cool. I’m only 17. I’m just really high.
–Soho
Guy: Can I get some cigars?
Attendant: Yeah, are you over 18?
Guy: Yeah.
Attendant: That’s cool. I’m only 17. I’m just really high.
–Soho
Manager to resigned employee: It’s okay. If I worked here I’d be looking for another job as well.
–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope
Guy pleading into cell: Give me a break! So I have sex with one fuckin’ coworker…
–Lafayette & Spring
Overheard by: Jeff in Soho
Late-40s guy: When you get to be my age it’s hard to make the big money, to become rich. Sure, I could get a job, but that’s not me.
–Bus, Port Authority
Overheard by: How long is this bus ride?
Suit: I mean, if I’m gonna fuck a fatty it’s going to be one I don’t have to see at work on Monday.
–6 train, Astor Place
Bike messenger: I could die at any time. That’s why my job is so great. I clock in for doom.
–37th & Broadway
Dork #1 snickering and pointing at deli awning: D and D deli!
Dork #2: I gotta get a picture of that!
–Soho
Hipster chick #1: So they leave, you know, and he starts making out with me right at the bar.
Hipster chick #2: Look at you!
Hipster chick #1: So I told him I didn’t really like making out in public.
Hipster chick #2: So did you go back to his place?
Hipster chick #1: No, but he was really sweet about it. He took me in the guys’ bathroom and we made out in there, like, in a stall.
–Spring & Bowery
Overheard by: John Osvald
Blonde yuppie: I went dinner with Mom and him the other day, and he was talking about getting in touch with that guy in India to get his connections. He said that he wants to start smuggling drugs, too. I said to him, ‘Dad, you cannot become a drug dealer.’
Blonde, yuppie sister: Oh my god, you know he would totally do that just to get attention.
–SoHo
Law student: I learned in my International Law class that diplomats can park wherever they want and not get ticketed.
Friend: You had to go to friggin’ law school to learn that? I learned that from The Princess Diaries.
–Dean & Deluca, SoHo
Little boy: My mom used to go to the doctor because she couldn’t have a baby.
Nanny: Oh, really?
Little boy: Yep. Now, she just goes to the landlord.
–Canal & Broadway
Overheard by: Rhea
Fashionista #1: Oh my god, look — white pants after Labor Day — so trashy.
Fashionista #2: Ew. Yeah.
Fashionista #1: When is Labor Day, anyway?
Fashionista #2: I don’t know.
–SoHo
Hipster girl: Would you say my hair is dirty-blonde or not?
Hipster guy: It looks clean to me.
Hipster girl: I didn’t mean the hair on my head.
–Spring & Broadway
Overheard by: Brown Carpet and Drapes
Girl #1: That’s a cute dog, I have one too.
Girl #2: Thank you.
Girl #1: Is that a toy terrier?
Girl #2: I don’t know. I just know he’s cute.
–Broadway & Spring St
Overheard by: Holden
