Soho

Wednesday One-Liners Wouldn’t Say They’re Missing Work

Manager to resigned employee: It’s okay. If I worked here I’d be looking for another job as well.

–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope

Guy pleading into cell: Give me a break! So I have sex with one fuckin’ coworker…

–Lafayette & Spring

Overheard by: Jeff in Soho

Late-40s guy: When you get to be my age it’s hard to make the big money, to become rich. Sure, I could get a job, but that’s not me.

–Bus, Port Authority

Overheard by: How long is this bus ride?

Suit: I mean, if I’m gonna fuck a fatty it’s going to be one I don’t have to see at work on Monday.

–6 train, Astor Place

Bike messenger: I could die at any time. That’s why my job is so great. I clock in for doom.

–37th & Broadway

It Took Days for Them to Get Out Again

Dork #1 snickering and pointing at deli awning: D and D deli!
Dork #2: I gotta get a picture of that!

–Soho

We Charged Admission, Which Kept the Riff-Raff Out

Hipster chick #1: So they leave, you know, and he starts making out with me right at the bar.
Hipster chick #2: Look at you!
Hipster chick #1: So I told him I didn’t really like making out in public.
Hipster chick #2: So did you go back to his place?
Hipster chick #1: No, but he was really sweet about it. He took me in the guys’ bathroom and we made out in there, like, in a stall.

–Spring & Bowery

Overheard by: John Osvald

Just Refuse to Buy from Him, He’ll Get Tired of It

Blonde yuppie: I went dinner with Mom and him the other day, and he was talking about getting in touch with that guy in India to get his connections. He said that he wants to start smuggling drugs, too. I said to him, ‘Dad, you cannot become a drug dealer.’
Blonde, yuppie sister: Oh my god, you know he would totally do that just to get attention.

–SoHo

Is There Anything Julie Andrews Can’t Do?

Law student: I learned in my International Law class that diplomats can park wherever they want and not get ticketed.
Friend: You had to go to friggin’ law school to learn that? I learned that from The Princess Diaries.

–Dean & Deluca, SoHo

And Our Heat is On

Little boy: My mom used to go to the doctor because she couldn’t have a baby.
Nanny: Oh, really?
Little boy: Yep. Now, she just goes to the landlord.

–Canal & Broadway

Overheard by: Rhea

And What’s Labor?

Fashionista #1: Oh my god, look — white pants after Labor Day — so trashy.
Fashionista #2: Ew. Yeah.
Fashionista #1: When is Labor Day, anyway?
Fashionista #2: I don’t know.

–SoHo

Well, We Know Your Pits Are Sketchy

Hipster girl: Would you say my hair is dirty-blonde or not?
Hipster guy: It looks clean to me.
Hipster girl: I didn’t mean the hair on my head.

–Spring & Broadway

Overheard by: Brown Carpet and Drapes

Paris Hilton Is No Zoologist, But She Knows What She Likes

Girl #1: That’s a cute dog, I have one too.
Girl #2: Thank you.
Girl #1: Is that a toy terrier?
Girl #2: I don’t know. I just know he’s cute.

–Broadway & Spring St

Overheard by: Holden

Arguing about Public Policy Is Normal for Rednecks Since Carville

Chick: Wait, so he was the black dude from Tennessee on the debate team that you were talking to?
Dude: Yeah. Well, no. He was normal.
Chick: What do you mean?
Dude: He was white.

–Soho

Overheard by: drunk at the bar

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