Suit, after cabbie honks: Beep. [Cabbie honks one more time.] Beep. [Cabbie honks twice.] Beep, beep.
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Maria
Suit, after cabbie honks: Beep. [Cabbie honks one more time.] Beep. [Cabbie honks twice.] Beep, beep.
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Maria
Tourist: Is this the 1:13 to Trenton?
Suit: No.
Tourist: Oh, well, where is that?
Suit: Are you just, like, picking track numbers and hoping for the best? Go read the screen, you dumbass.
Tourist: You don’t have to be rude.
Suit: You don’t have to be stupid.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Erin
Suit on the run, after accosted by street charity worker: I don’t want to save a child! I want to go to a meeting!
–53rd & Lex
Suit: Yeah, I don’t think I could work for the government. All they do is kill people.
–23rd & Park
Suit: I don’t play hard to get; I play hard to like.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Brian
Suit on cell: I just got back from São Paulo. That place looks like New York threw up on L.A.
–JFK
Suit on cell: What do you mean scientologists are following you? … No, you can’t stay at my place tonight…
–6th Ave
Overheard by: E.Major
Suit #1: Arrrgh! I always wanted a pirate party… Make ye walk the plank.
Suit #2: Yeah, that would’ve been cool. What about a princess party? I don’t understand why only girls got those…
Suit #1: Arrrgh, matey. No kidding.
–Cafe Metro, 39th & 7th
Overheard by: Kelly
Hipster girl #1: I was blowing him and it was taking, like, 20 minutes, so I finally told him to hurry up since my jaw was hurting.
Hipster girl #2: I hate that! How can they take that long to just finish?
Suit nearby: If you would do it right, it would only take two minutes.
–2 train
Overheard by: TP
Bag lady: You look like you got a shitty job!
Suit: Do you even have a job?
Bag lady: Oh, yeah, I do all kinds of jobs. Hand jobs, blowjobs, foot jobs…
Suit: That’s not what I meant–
Bag lady: –Tit jobs…
–6 train
Overheard by: Digeridude
Teen step-daughter, looking at skater shoes: I love these shoes! If I saw a guy wearing these shoes, I’d be totally into him.
Suit: Yeah, but not for a 34-year-old.
Teen step-daughter: I know lots of 34-year-olds that would wear these.
Suit: Yeah, they work at the movie theater.
–Vintage clothing store
Overheard by: Sean B
Suit #1: So, I was at lunch, and I went to Subway to get a sandwich…
Suit #2: Uh-huh…
Suit #1: And I ran into this other guy from work as I was walking out, and he says, ‘Oh my god, I had no idea you were the kind of guy who would eat at Subway!’
–The North East Kingdom, Bushwick, Brooklyn
10-year-old girl punches her suit father in the arm.
Suit: You have no power. [Girl punches him again.] No power. [Girl winds up and punches him hard.] There, see? That hurt more, ’cause you used your body. [Girl turns around and punches her older sister.]Sister: Ow, what the hell?!
Suit: See? I told you — use your body.
–LIRR, Jamaica
Crazy guy with headphones: Do you think Jesus set up a hit against Satan when he was resurrected?
Suit: I don’t know.
–2 train, Fulton St stop
