Suit #1: I haven’t had a regular check up in years, but I’ve had about five MRIs. There’s a lot going on in my head.
Suit #2: Yeah, everything but a full head of hair!
–6 train
Suit #1: I haven’t had a regular check up in years, but I’ve had about five MRIs. There’s a lot going on in my head.
Suit #2: Yeah, everything but a full head of hair!
–6 train
Suit #1: Whoa! Check out that hooker.
Suit #2: That’s not a hooker, that’s a dancer.
Suit #1, laughing: How can you tell the difference?
Nearby woman: That’s just rude. That girl isn’t a prostitute.
Suit #1: Who the hell are you, her mother?
–53rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Bella
Suit, after taking cashier’s photo on his cellphone: See how photogenic you are?
Cashier: Why did he just take a picture of me?
Next customer: That was creepy.
Barista: That was creepy.
–Starbucks, E 51st St
Overheard by: Chuckell
Suit: And then guess what I told her?
Creep: Plastic poison!
Suit: Exactly!
Creep: He-he-he.
–Starbucks
Guy #1: Sam better on his way to this meeting too.
Guy #2: Let me call the office and check if he’s left yet…Sam, what’s up, man? Where are you?
–E train
Female suit: I gotta piss like a fucking camel!
Male suit: Cross your damn legs.
–A Train
Overheard by: Nice to know…
Tween boy with box of candy: Yo, wanna buy a candy bar?
Suit: No, thanks. I’m good.
Tween boy: Well, I’m not, asshole. Buy a goddamn candy bar!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Charlie
Suit #1: Anal leakage… I’m sorry, man.
Suit #2: Yup. No joke, though. That’s the first and last time I’ll be doing that.
Suit #1: Was she hot?
Suit #2: Couldn’t tell. I had my eyes closed the whole time.
–6 train
Crazy hobo with guitar to stranger: Damn… you invited a lot of people.
–1 Train
Hobo to young married couple: I have found the promised land. Seriously. I'd get a plane ticket right now, but it'd be cheaper to go to confession for a week and then get hit by a bus. Remind me to tell you about this later.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Oliver
Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20-something girl walks past him, with businessman a few steps behind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…
–W 3rd & Thompson
Hobo, taking donations to help the homeless, counting coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fistful of coins sticks in pocket) Tax rebate!
–Union Square
Suit: My dick was totally in one hand pissing while I was talking to the client.
–48th & Madison
