Power suit woman on cell: No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Are you listening to me? I said no! Absolutely not…Why are we arguing about this? Are you listening to me? No. No. You never listen to me. You never listen…Fine. Fine. Do whatever you have to do. But let me tell you this: if you ever thought that I loved you, you have been kidding yourself for a long time!
–50th & 6th
Overheard by: joe jervis
Street vendor: I don’t have kids, I would never have kids. Well, unless Jesus Christ himself comes down to earth and says, “Kev, it’s me, Jesus. I think you should have kids.” Then I would consider it.
–46th & 6th
Businesslady: So I says to her, “Girl, you’ve gotta pray. You gotta get Jesus in your fucking life.”
–Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: Joel Warden
Woman: It was as if I had fallen into a Hell Pit, or something like that.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: MissHell
Businesswoman: You know, I used to get worked up over that too, but it’s not my career. I don’t care anymore. Just pay me and don’t disrespect me, slap my ass, or call me “nigger”, and we’re cool.
–Quizno’s, 14th & 6th
Businesschick on cell: Awww yeah…guess who doesn’t have work today?….Awww yeah, people trying to blow up my building and shit…I think I just saw a tank driving down my street…Wait, I gotta roll, some weird number is popping up on my cellie.
–51st & 3rd
Suit #1: …and he’s been playing on that game City of Heroes for two months straight now.
Suit #2: You reckon he’s still alive?
Suit #1: Well, he’s been typing nothing but “J” for a whole week on MSN.
–JFK
Overheard by: Pete Jones
Bi guy #1: So do you have a lot of threesomes?
Bi guy #2: My girlfriend likes to see me take it up the ass. She’s weird like that.
–Chelsea taxicab
Teen girl #1: How do you know it’s uncomfortable?
Teen girl #2: Just put something in your ass and walk around with it.
Teen girl #1: In your ass?
Teen girl #2: Well, on your ass.
–Forest Hills
Overheard by: Sara R.
Drunk suit: Can I have a gin and tonic?
Irish barman: Only if you have an enema with you, ’cause I’m going to shove it up your arse when I’m done.
–Nancy Whiskey Pub, Lispenard Street
Man: I thought you were the type who made coffee at home.
Woman: I can easily make coffee at home. I’m having tea.
–Starbucks, 81st & Columbus
Care for Kids fundraiser: Excuse me, can I talk to you real quick? I know you’re in a rush but this will only take a second.
Suit: Sorry, I don’t care.
–Maiden Lane & Water Street
Overheard by: Jack C.
Black guy: And another thing: I’m tired of eating you out every night!
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: RelaxLove
Power suit woman on cell: Well, you just have to get on top of it and ride it out.
–Madison Square park
Black chick: That nigger was pussy!
–14th Street & Broadway
Businessman: …and once word gets out that you like to fuck girls with no legs, everybody thinks you’re a freak!
Crony: Yeah, I bet.
Businessman: I’ll send you the pictures.
–Maiden Lane & Water St.
Overheard by: Dave Kelleher
