Suit #1: Don’t you hate when a woman is really pretty and she is dressed so nice, and then you look at her shoes and they are just wrong?! It just ruins it… Don’t you hate that?
Suit #2: I don’t look at their shoes…
Suit #1: It turns me off.
–Cosi, 45th & Madison
Overheard by: BindyNYC
Suit, in serious tone: So yeah, he’s from Mars. No, excuse me, he’s from Jupiter. Sorry.
Lady suit, interested: Oh, yeah?
Suit: Yeah! And the weird thing is, he’s married!
–Sushi restaurant
Overheard by: I’m from Venus
Lady suit: Do you know what your skirt is doing?
NYU student: Is it blowing up again?
Lady suit: Yes. Everyone can see your entire ass.
NYU student: You love it.
Lady suit, snorting: Not really.
–12th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jenna
Five-year-old: Ella, ella, ella, ella, ella, ella…
Suit dad: Alright, look! I don’t know what that means, but if it’s a bad word I want you to stop saying it!
–F train, 23rd St
Overheard by: EmLo
Headline by: Lou P.
Runners-Up:
· “Don’t Fucking Sensor Me, Daddy” – burnt toast
· “Gwen Stefani, Age Five, No Doubt.” – kerm
· “I’m Going to Keep Saying My Name Until You Learn It, Daddy” – Kate
· “Stick to Words I Know, Like “Cock-fag” or “Yankees”” – Louis
Suit with girlfriend to benched hobo: ‘Scuse me — mind if I borrow one of your cigarettes?
Hobo: Well, all I’ve got are these Winstons…
Suit: Beggars can’t be choosers.
Hobo: Yeah, tell me about it.
–Smith & Dean
Overheard by: sb
Suit #1: So, what books do you have on your retirement list to read?
Suit #2: Well, it’s a long list, but at the very top is ‘Finnegan’s Rainbow.’
–47th, between 5th & 6th
Suit #1: So basically what you’re saying is that your misses is a whore?
Suit #2: Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.
Suit #1: And you’re okay with this?
Suit #2: I’m cool with it as long as I keep getting lots of head.
–85th & Lex
Overheard by: marisa
Suit, after cabbie honks: Beep. [Cabbie honks one more time.] Beep. [Cabbie honks twice.] Beep, beep.
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Maria
Tourist: Is this the 1:13 to Trenton?
Suit: No.
Tourist: Oh, well, where is that?
Suit: Are you just, like, picking track numbers and hoping for the best? Go read the screen, you dumbass.
Tourist: You don’t have to be rude.
Suit: You don’t have to be stupid.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Erin
Suit on the run, after accosted by street charity worker: I don’t want to save a child! I want to go to a meeting!
–53rd & Lex
Suit: Yeah, I don’t think I could work for the government. All they do is kill people.
–23rd & Park
Suit: I don’t play hard to get; I play hard to like.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Brian
Suit on cell: I just got back from São Paulo. That place looks like New York threw up on L.A.
–JFK
Suit on cell: What do you mean scientologists are following you? … No, you can’t stay at my place tonight…
–6th Ave
Overheard by: E.Major
