Is It Hot in Here, or Is It You, Wednesday One-Liners?

Man to scantily clad girl passerby: Yo, can I get your number? Can I text message you? Can I e-mail you? Somethin’? [As she walks away] Can I be your socks?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Nicole

70-year-old man to 20-something jogger: Good morning. Would you like to wrestle in the grass over there?

–Riverside Park

Drunken Don Juan: Hey… Miss… Miss… Ah… Is your husband… Is your husband married?

–Prospect Pl & Classon, Brooklyn

Overheard by: sweet tea

Drunk guy to girl: You have nice toes. I want to put them in my mouth.

–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave

Creepy guy to hot blonde, after trying to pick her up: I’m not trying to hit on you. I just want to be your friend on Facebook.

–78th & Columbus

Posted on February 27, 2008
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Creepsters, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Facebook, Guys, Old People, Parks, Pick-up Lines, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Try to Imagine a Club without Strippers

Comedy club promoter: You girls like comedy clubs, right?
Girl: No, sorry.
Comedy club promoter: You must be from New Jersey.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Lana S.

Posted on February 18, 2008
Comebacks, Default, Girls, Questions, Theater & Dance, Times Square, U.S. Geography, Vendors & Street Performers

Shakespeare Makes Everybody Feel Like That

Girl: Jordan*, are you in the special English class, too?
Jordan: Yeah.
Girl: Why are we in that class? Is it something like an advanced class?
Jordan: No, it’s more like a retard class…

–Times Square

Posted on February 5, 2008
Education, Insults, Retardation, Students, Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Read Overheard in the Office

Conductor: Are you going to work? Are you going somewhere? Let us know by getting out of train doors.

–R train, Lexington Ave stop

Bartender swinging nipple tassels: Can you believe they wouldn’t let me do this at my old job?!

–Bar, Broadway, between 76th & 77th

Overheard by: Lezbotron

IT guy: I can break whatever I want, because I fix it!

–Office, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: beans

I-banker to two others: He got the bonus for people that don’t get bonuses.

–Metro-North

Comedy club flyer guy: I hate my job, and it’s all your fault!

–Times Square

30-something hippie at show: 2008 is the year that I get a job.

–New Year’s Eve concert

Overheard by: Smash

Posted on January 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Conductors, Flyer people, Gossip, Gripes, Hippies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Suits, Theater, Times Square, Wishes & desires

Compassion: A NYC Short Story

Guy: Did you hear about that guy that fell from a 47th floor and survived?
Girl: No.
Guy: It’s crazy! The paramedics found him conscious, too.
Girl: Wow. Can you help me upload my Jingle Ball photos to my Kodak account?

–1500 Broadway

Posted on January 28, 2008
Accidents, Bimbettes, Girls, Guys, Internet, Offers and requests, Times Square

From R.L. Stevenson’s Treasure Trail Island

Girl #1: How often do you get wet?
Girl #2: Oh my god, we’re in public!
Girl #1: Well, I was just wondering, because everybody back home thinks you’re such a slut!
Girl #2: Piss off! At least I’m not a fire crotch!
Girl #1: Don’t you ever call me that ever again, or I’ll delete you off my Top Eight on MySpace!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Andrew

Posted on January 26, 2008
Girls, Insults, Threats, Times Square

How I Got Guilted into Running Marathons

Father to screaming toddler: Y’know, some people ran 26 miles today, and I’m only asking you to walk a block!

–Times Square

Posted on January 24, 2008
Dads, Gripes, Times Square

I’m So Proud!

Drunk woman in long fur coat: Oh, you have to be fucking kidding me! I gotta pee!
Tourist: Yeah, we’ve been waiting for a while. [Nods in direction of unattended mop soaking in bucket, and laughs] I mean, you could always use that thing, I guess.
Drunk woman: Okay, alright — just tell me if anyone is coming! [Hikes up coat and begins to pee in bucket.]Tourist: Jesus Christ! I’ve been here one day, and I’m responsible for encouraging public urination.

–Line for restroom, McDonald’s, Times Square

Overheard by: wish i’d thought of that

Posted on January 6, 2008
Drunks, Pee, Times Square, Tourists

I Wonder How the Kid Is with Biology, and the French He Took?

Boy looking at action figures in window: Which of these do you like best?
Girl: I’m not sure… Definitely not George Bush.
Boy, pointing to Albert Einstein: I don’t like him. He invented the atomic bomb and killed loads of people.

–Times Square

Posted on December 30, 2007
Friends, History & Geography, Stupidity, Times Square

Must Be Great Having a Celebrity for a Father

Angry kid: Man, I’m tired of seeing that naked white fag with the guitar all the time.
Friend: Your dad?
Angry kid: No, you dumb fuck! That freak over there — he’s in postcards and shit. He’s like a celebrity, kinda.
Friend: I think that’s your dad…
Angry kid: Fuck you, ho.

–TKTS station, Times Square

Posted on December 28, 2007
Gripes, Insults, Kids, Times Square