North Dakotan tourist: Hi, Mr. Mayor. Can we take a picture with you?
Mayor Bloomberg: Sure thing, but if you don’t smile I’m going to tickle you.
–Times Square
North Dakotan tourist: Hi, Mr. Mayor. Can we take a picture with you?
Mayor Bloomberg: Sure thing, but if you don’t smile I’m going to tickle you.
–Times Square
20-ish chick #1: We should have brought a black light to see what her teeth would have done.
20-ish chick #2: You always know how to make me feel better about bitches like that.
–Times Square
Tourist #1: Our next vacation should be to Chicago. At least people there are normal.
Tourist #2: They are not normal.
Tourist #1: Why not?
Tourist #2: People from the Midwest just don’t get it like we do — we just get it.
Tourist #1: Yeah, I guess you’re right. I think I get it.
Tourist #2: No, you don’t.
–Times Square
Disgusted mom: I thought that old man had a Bluetooth in his ear…
Teen daughter: It wasn’t?
Disgusted mom: It was ear hair.
–Times Square
Overheard by: SurferGirl
Woman #1: He slept with Mary?
Woman #2: And to think that I was this close to falling in love with him.
–Starbucks, Times Square
Guy handing out fliers: Do you like stand-up comedy?
Goth girl: No! I hate happiness!
–Times Square
Overheard by: A
Tourist lady: Excuse me, do you work here?
Employee: Yes, ma’am. Can I help you?
Tourist lady: Yes. Where are the toilets, please?
Employee: Up the escalators and take a left.
Tourist lady: Thank you. Number one or number two?
Employee: Well… You can do either, ma’am…
–Toys “R” Us, Times Square
Woman knocking over hubby’s folding table: That’s the second time you disrespected me today! I am your wife! You won’t even buy me a tampon — I’m bleeding on a napkin. You only spend your money on hookers.
Friend nearby: I knew that was gonna happen!
–Times Square
Girl #1: I’m not going with you.
Girl #2: Why not?
Girl #1: I have to go home and cook for lesbians.
Girl #2: Oh, your mom?
–Times Square
Overheard by: From now on this is my excuse for everything
Headline by: Mandi
Runners-Up:
· “But Don’t They Usually Eat Out?” – Hobo Whisperer
· “I Think I’ll Make Dyke L’Orange” – Peter
· “If I dont do it, dad will do it, and she’s a lousy cook.” – Extra Character
· “Ohhhh Pllllllease…. She licked your pussy once… ONCE!” – Mike Chmiel
· “Pass the Cunnilinguini” – I’m not gross in real life
· “They’d be happy with a box lunch” – Flem
20-ish guy, after bumping into lady: Oh, I’m sorry.
Lady: That’s okay. I’m a tourist.
–Times Square
Overheard by: nina
