Girl in stall: God, it’s so hot in here!
Girl waiting: I’m going to the men’s room.
Girl in stall: Why?
Girl waiting: So I don’t have to wait. [Leaves, then comes back a minute later.] There was someone in there, so I left. I didn’t want it to be awkward.
Girl in stall: Why would it be awkward for you?
Girl waiting: Not for me, for him.
–Ladies’ room, Maxie’s, Times Square
Guy on radio #1: The chickens are in the lift. Repeat, the chickens are in the lift.
Guy on radio #2: Roger.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Alex
Girl #1: Oh my gosh, we should totally go to Olive Garden. It’s sooo good.
Girl #2: Honestly… Never say that again.
–Times Square
Tourist: Excuse me, can I ask you a question? Where’s the apple?
Cop: What?
Tourist: You know, the big one? [Cop stares at her, then shrugs and points arbitrarily down Broadway.] Thanks!
–Times Square
Overheard by: I Just Work Here
Two-year-old boy, looking at dollar bill: Mama, is this Jesus on the money?
Mother: Well, sort of. He was like Jesus for America.
–Times Square
Overheard by: MeganMama
Theater buff #1: So, do you think Michael Richards is a racist?
Theater buffs #2 and #3: Yes.
Theater buff #4: Nah.
Theater buff #1: Why not?
Theater buff #4: Because he’s a comedian and he yelled it on stage at a heckler. Racists don’t yell ‘nigger’ during a stand-up act in a comedy club. Racists yell ‘nigger’ when they’re driving a pickup truck dragging a chained-up black man behind them. People don’t fucking understand that a comedy improv can go horribly wrong!
–Sardi’s
Overheard by: Big Larry
JAP #1: Well, whatever, I’m over him.
JAP #2: I was never under him.
JAP #3: I was.
–Times Square
Overheard by: ella
Clerk to woman trying to use debit card: You have to confirm.
Woman: How I do that?
Clerk: With the keypad you’re holding.
Woman, using keypad as cell phone: I confirm!
–Electronic store, Times Square
Overheard by: French dude
Thugette #1: I’m gonna be gettin’ me a mermaid tattoo.
Thugette #2: Mermaids? Hey, mermaids ain’t no gangsta.
Thug: Yo, don’t you be dissin’ those mermaids. I’m down with the Little Mermaid.
–Times Square
Laugh Factory promoter: You like comedy?
Girl: No [walks away].
Laugh Factory promoter: Please talk to me. I hate my job.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Julissa
