Drunk guy #1: Man, I gotta get laid tonight.
Drunk guy #2: I’m sure there’s a costume shop around here somewhere. You’d totally increase your chances if you wore a sailor outfit.
Drunk guy #1: Yeah… but I like pussy.
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: Peebs
Tall Asian teen: That was really funny.
Shorter white teen: Yeah, I’m sorry I keep calling you a fucking Asian.
–Coming out of Avenue Q, 45th & Broadway
Teen on cell: So how do I get to your office? Wait, which way is east? Towards the river? What river? I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF TIMES SQUARE, I DON’T SEE A FUCKIN RIVER! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ASK SOMEONE WHERE THE FUCKING RIVER IS? MANHATTAN’S AN ISLAND, THERE’S RIVER ALL OVER THE PLACE!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Woman #1: I am so tired!
Woman #2: You don’t look tired!
Man: Oh, you haven’t seen her naked!
–Eugene O’Neill Theatre
Overheard by: Alex Barragan
Guy #1: Yeah, he’s a pretty good director… what’s his name again? The hobbit guy?
Guy #2: Uhhh…Peter something…
Guy #1: Yeah, Peter North! I love that guy’s movies.
–AMC Empire 25, Times Square
Guy: What’s in the steamed little juicy buns?
Four-fingered Chinese waitress: 10 minute longer.
–Ollie’s, 44th & Broadway
Guy on cell: Yeah….it was a crazy night. Well, we were drinking wine….and, well, you know….one thing lead to another and pretty soon all four of us were in bed together.
–HSBC ATM, Times Square
Drunk blonde: How old are you?
Kid: 17.
Drunk blonde: Ever been with a 26-year-old?
Kid’s father intervenes.
–B. B. King’s, Machine concert
Overheard by: Brown Eyed Girl
Friend #1: There’s a virgin.
Friend #2: What?
Friend #1: There’s a virgin.
Friend #2: What?
Friend #1: There’s a Virgin record store out by Times Square. We should go.
Friend #2: Yeah.
–Midtown Comics, 40th & 7th.
Tourist girl #1: You stand in front of me..and you stand in back of me.
Tourist girl #2: Why?
Tourist girl #1: You guys are my stab buffer. I’m just taking the necessary safety precautions.
–Times Square
