Southern tourist: Do you know where this boat takes us?
Upstate tourist: Ummm, Staten Island.
Southern tourist: Thanks! Everything is so confusing here.
Upstate tourist, to friends: Who the hell gets on a boat without knowing where it goes? And it’s the frickin’ Staten Island Ferry!
–Staten Island Ferry
Tourist: Excuse me, can I ask you a question? Where’s the apple?
Cop: What?
Tourist: You know, the big one? [Cop stares at her, then shrugs and points arbitrarily down Broadway.] Thanks!
–Times Square
Overheard by: I Just Work Here
Tourist hubby to wifey who jumped up from taking a seat: What happened?
Tourist woman, disgusted: I just saw some dirt!
–4 train
Tourist girl #1: Oh, yeah, I totally remember this spot.
Tourist girl #2: Yeah, this is the exact spot we got robbed last time we were here.
–Hard Rock Café, 43rd & Broadway
Tourist: Is this the 1:13 to Trenton?
Suit: No.
Tourist: Oh, well, where is that?
Suit: Are you just, like, picking track numbers and hoping for the best? Go read the screen, you dumbass.
Tourist: You don’t have to be rude.
Suit: You don’t have to be stupid.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Erin
Chinese lady hawker: DVD! DVD! DVD!
Southerner lady: Do y’all have The Sound of Music?
Chinese lady hawker: New DVD only! Charlotte Web! New James Bond!
Southerner lady: They just get everything first in New York, don’t they? So… Y’all don’t have The Sound of Music?
–Canal St
Overheard by: Miss Megan
Tourist: Tall? That is not a tall coffee — that is small!
Local chick: Well, that’s why they call it ‘tall,’ so you don’t think it’s small.
–Starbucks, Wall St & Broadway
Overheard by: murx
Teen girl tourist: Dad, you know so much about New York!
Tourist dad: Well, here’s the thing — I’m going to tell you a lot of facts about New York while we’re here… Not all of them are going to be true…
–76th & Broadway
Overheard by: balletrhino
Tourist: Excuse me, ma’am? Can you tell me how to get to the Golden Gate Bridge?
Local, after long pause: Up two blocks, make a left. You can’t miss it.
–Union Square
Hot dog vendor: How you like it?
Tourist: Just ketchup, please.
Hot dog vendor: You not like New York style?
Tourist: Sure, but not today.
Hot dog vendor, reluctantly handing over dog: I think you make very big mistake today, sir, and every day, too.
–Battery Park
Headline by: fru
Runners-Up:
· “Just Guessing by That Izod Shirt You Are Wearing” – anne nahm
· “New York Style Always Leaves Me A Little Sore Thanks” – Uulargh of the Prairie
· “New York Style Means the Attitude’s Free” – Christine
· “New York Style? How Do They Fit ‘Fuck You’ In A Bun?” – Taylor
· “New York Style: Mustard, Sauerkraut, Judgement” – kimathi
· “Street Meat, the Best Population Control Money Can Buy.” – Chance
