Southern woman pointing at rat on tracks: Look, it’s going to get run over! I’ve never seen a rat on the tracks before! [Pointing at holes in the track wall] Look, they made homes for the rats!
Local guy: Those are for ventilation.
–14th St station
Overheard by: Jennifer
Tourist #1, looking at Papaya Dog: What is that? A hot dog made of fruit?
Tourist #2, looking around, embarrassed: Can someone take him off my hands? No, we’ll take you somewhere and get you a hot dog that’s really made of meat.
–W 4th & Broadway
Overheard by: emilyc
Tourist to friend: I could never live here. Everyone is way too attractive.
Queer passerby: God, I love New York.
–68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Codith
Queer tourist: What are your favorite places to go?
Local girl: I love the Met.
Queer tourist: What is that?
Local girl: The greatest art museum. It is so amazing.
Queer tourist: So, there’s art there?
Local girl: Um, yeah. It’s an art museum.
Queer tourist: So, it’s all art?
–R train platform, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Southern tourist: Do you know where this boat takes us?
Upstate tourist: Ummm, Staten Island.
Southern tourist: Thanks! Everything is so confusing here.
Upstate tourist, to friends: Who the hell gets on a boat without knowing where it goes? And it’s the frickin’ Staten Island Ferry!
–Staten Island Ferry
Tourist: Excuse me, can I ask you a question? Where’s the apple?
Cop: What?
Tourist: You know, the big one? [Cop stares at her, then shrugs and points arbitrarily down Broadway.] Thanks!
–Times Square
Overheard by: I Just Work Here
Tourist hubby to wifey who jumped up from taking a seat: What happened?
Tourist woman, disgusted: I just saw some dirt!
–4 train
Tourist girl #1: Oh, yeah, I totally remember this spot.
Tourist girl #2: Yeah, this is the exact spot we got robbed last time we were here.
–Hard Rock Café, 43rd & Broadway
Tourist: Is this the 1:13 to Trenton?
Suit: No.
Tourist: Oh, well, where is that?
Suit: Are you just, like, picking track numbers and hoping for the best? Go read the screen, you dumbass.
Tourist: You don’t have to be rude.
Suit: You don’t have to be stupid.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Erin
Chinese lady hawker: DVD! DVD! DVD!
Southerner lady: Do y’all have The Sound of Music?
Chinese lady hawker: New DVD only! Charlotte Web! New James Bond!
Southerner lady: They just get everything first in New York, don’t they? So… Y’all don’t have The Sound of Music?
–Canal St
Overheard by: Miss Megan
