Guy 1: What did you do this weekend?
Guy 2: Masturbate. You?
–Union Square theater
Guy 1: What did you do this weekend?
Guy 2: Masturbate. You?
–Union Square theater
Old man: Oh, yes. Now I remember him.
Medical assistant: Well I’d hope you’d remember him after he stuck his finger in your butt!
–outside urology clinic, 9th & University
Overheard by: Aerialist
Man on cell: I love you baby, but I just can’t be looking at your face everyday like that.
–Union Square
Guy to friend: She had that ugly-ass quality about her.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Sarah
Ghetto teen: If Jesus was with you, he’d smack you over the head and call you a dick!
–A train
Overheard by: Josh Jasper
Girl to friends: Do either of you have a really nice picture of Jesus? I need to make an ashtray.
–7th & A
Overheard by: Ty!
Orthodox woman, holding bag of almond meal: What do you mean it’s not kosher?
Grocer person: Well, if it doesn’t have a kosher symbol I would assume that means that it isn’t kosher.
Woman: Does it have a kosher symbol?
Grocer, politely: You have the bag in your hand, miss. Does it have a kosher symbol?
Woman: No it doesn’t. Why do you not carry kosher almond meal? I have been buying this for years and now you tell me it’s not kosher.
Grocer: I can only guess that the reason we don’t carry it is that then people like you would shop here.
–Trader Joe’s, Union Square
Overheard by: matthew andrew pryatel
Drunk girl: I want to call my boyfriend so I can have sex.
Random drunk guy: Well, save yourself a call and have sex with me.
Drunk girl: That makes sense…….ok!
–10th St & 3rd Ave
Grandma to crying 5-year-old: Get a job if you want it that badly! Get a damn job! If you were in Russia, you’d be working. If you were in China, you’d be out working in the rice paddies. Goddamn. I’m gonna put you in a sweatshop. This is Grandma’s weekend to find a man. Gonna go up to the Bronx. Gonna hit the BX and find a BK.
–Tompkins Square Park
Girl #1 It’s beautiful, where was it made?
Girl #2: [checks label on sweater] Made in Indonesia.
Girl #1: Oh, well with all of the bad shit going on down there, you wanna buy as much as you can while you still can.
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Girl #1: The worst thing about when your favorite author dies is, you’re never going to get any new books from them.
Girl #2: Yeah!
–Strand, 12th & Broadway
Girl #1: But I wasn’t laughing at him, I was laughing at his little white penis in a black condom.
Girl #2: Yeah. Chris’s penis is crooked, and I told him he could never wear one of those yellow banana-flavored condoms, because I might forget I was blowing him and think I was eating a banana.
Girl #1: You’re an idiot.
–2nd Ave & 10th Street
Overheard by: Alia Lesoix
