Union Square and East Village

Not Quite Absolutely Fabulous

Chick: He was not really completely gay.
Guy: What was he, then?
Chick: He was more just completely fabulous.

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: jennifer

Girl: I’m pathetic enough but not fabulous enough to be a fag hag.

–The Ansonia, 73rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Betty Noir

Girl #1: You shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself. We are single and fabulous, explanation point.
Girl #2: …Don’t you mean “exclamation point”?

–Garden Cafe, Inwood

Guy #1: …I walked in and the warehouse was just full of tiny little boots.
Guy #2: That sounds fabulous.

–Central Park

“How about I just take yours?”

Hobo: Hey, are you trying to get laid today?
Chick: No, not today.
Hobo: Well give me your number.

–Union Square

He Did Say “Little”

Guy: I was just so freakin’ relieved about finishing the report I started doing a little dance.
Girl: Were you naked?

–Union Square

Who Says Women Can’t Be Metrosexuals?

Chick #1: A black thong with that skirt, what is she thinking? It’s totally see-through!
Chick #2: Yeah, but who’d want to look?
Chick #1: Oh my god, we are such hateful bitches!
Chick #2: I know!

–15th & 5th

Just Say Yes to Wednesday One-liners

Crackhead lady: Now crack’s a different story. Right now I’m going through a time where crack is a very important part of my life.

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: deke shearon

“…And make sure the crustaceans are virgins.”

Old woman: Can you put five shrimp in a bag for me to hold for a minute and then I’ll give you two back?
Seafood guy: Excuse me?
Old woman: Just put five shrimp in a bag for me, I need to hold it. I get energies from them. Just put five shrimp in a bag and give it to me to hold, and then I’ll give you two back. I get energies.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

It’s Straightened Pubes, Glued Together

Girl #1: Whoa man, you look totally creepy. Like a creepy molester.
Girl #2: It’s a molestache!

–B-Side, Avenue B

Wednesday One-liners Don the Magen Dovid

Girl: …So I asked him, “Do you speak German?” and he was like, “The only German I speak is: men to the left, women and children to the
right.” And I said, “Dude, you’ve been watching too much Schindler’s List!”

–13th Street between 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Joe Quint

Man, It Was Probably Gates or Clinton

A girl and guy are making out on the street.

Guy: I gotta go.
Girl: Wait, come back.
Guy: I’m busy.
Girl: What’s your name?
Guy: Bill.
Girl: How can I get in touch with you?
Guy: Google it.

–11th Street & 3rd Avenue

Overheard by: Tibbie X

He Even Put It On His Resume

Guy #1: Tell me something exciting. I need to live vicariously. All I do is work.
Guy #2: In Paris, a criminal on rollerblades sucked my dick.

–Houston between 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: kevin redman

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