Union Square and East Village

The Next Marketing Trend: Playing Hard to Get

Orthodox woman, holding bag of almond meal: What do you mean it’s not kosher?
Grocer person: Well, if it doesn’t have a kosher symbol I would assume that means that it isn’t kosher.
Woman: Does it have a kosher symbol?
Grocer, politely: You have the bag in your hand, miss. Does it have a kosher symbol?
Woman: No it doesn’t. Why do you not carry kosher almond meal? I have been buying this for years and now you tell me it’s not kosher.
Grocer: I can only guess that the reason we don’t carry it is that then people like you would shop here.

–Trader Joe’s, Union Square

Overheard by: matthew andrew pryatel

She’s Only Got 2800 Night Minutes Left This Month

Drunk girl: I want to call my boyfriend so I can have sex.
Random drunk guy: Well, save yourself a call and have sex with me.
Drunk girl: That makes sense…….ok!

–10th St & 3rd Ave

She Either Wants a Gangsta or a Chicken Sandwich

Grandma to crying 5-year-old: Get a job if you want it that badly! Get a damn job! If you were in Russia, you’d be working. If you were in China, you’d be out working in the rice paddies. Goddamn. I’m gonna put you in a sweatshop. This is Grandma’s weekend to find a man. Gonna go up to the Bronx. Gonna hit the BX and find a BK.

–Tompkins Square Park

That’s Why Kofi Annan Ordered that Rug

Girl #1 It’s beautiful, where was it made?
Girl #2: [checks label on sweater] Made in Indonesia.
Girl #1: Oh, well with all of the bad shit going on down there, you wanna buy as much as you can while you still can.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

She’s Really Got a Handle on That Death Thing

Girl #1: The worst thing about when your favorite author dies is, you’re never going to get any new books from them.
Girl #2: Yeah!

–Strand, 12th & Broadway

New Ways to Get Out of Sex

Girl #1: But I wasn’t laughing at him, I was laughing at his little white penis in a black condom.
Girl #2: Yeah. Chris’s penis is crooked, and I told him he could never wear one of those yellow banana-flavored condoms, because I might forget I was blowing him and think I was eating a banana.
Girl #1: You’re an idiot.

–2nd Ave & 10th Street

Overheard by: Alia Lesoix

If It Breathes Fire, He Should See Someone

Girl #1: Hey, we gave your boyfriend a new nickname!
Girl #2: Oh yeah, what?
Girl #1: Puff the Magic Dragon!
Girl #2, slightly exasperated: Oh…is that because of his cock?

–Cheap Shots, East Village

I Call Him Redd Foxxy

Black guy #1: She wanted to suck my dick watching Sanford and Son at 2AM.
Black guy #2: White niggas don’t understand the principle in that. There ain’t nothing wrong with that.

–2nd & 1st

Overheard by: Errol Stairpath

Go Call Somebody Who Has a Soul

Guy: You have to accept the lord Jesus Christ into your soul! The Gospel says that if you don’t accept the lord, you will burn in hell! Hear my words and heed my warnings! The lord will take vengance upon your defiance!
Woman: Here’s a quarter! Shut the fuck up!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Vicksburg

He Uses That Line on All His Dates

Guy #1: Have I ever told you that I got a ticket for public urination?
Guy #2: No way, that’s awesome!

–3rd Ave & 19th St

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