It’s Not You — It’s Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: It was right after I said Greg broke up with him ’cause he didn’t know where Darfur was.

–8th & Broadway

Woman over loudspeaker: You don’t even miss me! You don’t even have the decency to miss me!

–Whitehall St station

Overheard by: G

Hysterical girl in stall on cell: Why the fuck did she post ‘Thanks again for that chicken parmigiana X-X-O-O’ on your MySpace page?! What the fuck does that mean?! X-X-O-O?! And why did you buy her chicken parmigiana?! We just broke up three days ago and you’re buying some other bitch chicken parmigianaaa?! Do you want to be with me or not?!

–Ladies’ room, Bar

Black chick on cell: Okay, fine, we can break up! But dammit, I need fucking directions!

–Atlantic & Flatbush

Overheard by: Mike N

Posted on September 12, 2007
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You Can’t See the Forest for the Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: I got out on the wing and said, ‘I’m not going.’ He said, ‘I paid 10 grand to fuel this jet!’ and he pushed me off… Well, I didn’t control it too good. I wound up in a tree and it took three hours to get me down… I was just all cut up by the branches…

–Bagels Supreme, Brooklyn

Woman to boyfriend: I didn’t know you could see individual leaves on a tree.

–A/C/E train

Overheard by: Monica

Dude: What’s beer without a Christmas tree?

–5th Ave

Woman on cell: I saw her sitting in the litter box, and then she looked at me and she shot it up into the plants!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Beck

Tourist mom to daughter with camera: Look, a tree! A tree! You can tell everyone you took a picture of a tree in Central Park!

–Central Park

Lady on cell: What did I do yesterday? Well, I finally took down the Christmas tree.

–Continental Ave, Forest Hills

Overheard by: Dandelion Isafleur

Posted on September 12, 2007
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Don’t Run with Wednesday One-Liners

Mini yuppie: No way. I’d put the knife down and walk away. You never run.

–9th St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Old man tourist: He’s drawin’ a sword outta her, an’ she’s havin’ a sexual fantasy.

–New Greco-Roman galleries, the Met

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Yuppie to two girls: Yeah, but it’s more personal if you stab them with a knife.

–Prospect Park West, Park Slope

Overheard by: diane

Kid to father: I’m sick of swords! My head is full of swords!

–Arms and Weapons wing, the Met

Overheard by: e.Beth

Girl struggling with knot: Do you have anything sharp? Like a sword? Wait a minute, I have a sword! [She pulls out a sword.]

–51st & 5th

Dad to rambunctious young sons: No! We are not getting swords out!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Tempo

Posted on September 12, 2007
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Wednesday One-Liners! They’re Just Like Us!

Guy shopping for condiments: A Rachael Ray olive oil? Really? Have we gone too far?

–Amish market, Park Pl

Overheard by: pri

Blonde to brunette: You don’t understand… I was the Paris Hilton of Seattle…

–Bedford Ave

Overheard by: griffin

Bimbette bragging to server: Yeah, I’m like the Lindsay Lohan of New Jersey!

–Brooklyn Diner, Times Square

Office worker: I would bury Jennifer in a ditch somewhere for Jessica Biel.

–Staten Island

Mom to eight-year-old son: … And that’s why the gays are mad at John Travolta — because he’s a Scientologist.

–Court St & Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tim

Disappointed lady to hubby: Well, I didn’t see any celebrities in there!

–Outside Olive Garden, Times Square

Posted on September 12, 2007
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Wednesday One-Liners Are So Sharp They Cut Themselves

Woman smoking outside bar: That’s what I love about City College – we’re all geniuses at City College!

–238th St, Riverdale, Bronx

Blonde: His MySpace’s ‘Who I want to meet’ says ‘Albert Einstein with big boobs.’ Does that mean he thinks I’m smart?

–Astoria

Guy on cell: Can I speak with someone smarter than you? I’m pretty sure that there’s someone smarter than you.

–Q101 bus on Steinway

Overheard by: Gregorio

Man talking to himself: There are geniuses, and there are penises…

–F train

Overheard by: Stella

Professor: Well, it’s obvious that non-human animals are very smart – especially the smarter ones.

–Columbia University

Posted on September 12, 2007
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Let’s Talk about Wednesday One-Liners, Baby

Dude on cell: I’ll give you the worst first — I think I wanna fuck…

–52nd & 9th

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Man in hurry, muttering: Sex… Sex. Sex? Sex!

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Sam

Guitarist: To pack a theater, a good movie once in a while, and a can of tomato juice. That’s all I want out of life, folks. Well, maybe a bit of sex, too.

–42nd St station

Overheard by: Spencer

20-ish guy to pal: So she says, ‘Let’s meet up. Food? Drinks? Sex? Sounds good.’

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: meghoney

Hot chick on cell: … But if you’re having casual sex with her, why can’t you have it with me?

–50th & 6th

Overheard by: Mao Carrera

Posted on September 12, 2007
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Wednesday One-Liners Do Dallas

Chick on cell: Oh my god, I cried so much… Yeah, I’m going to go home and watch it again. Then I’m going to write ocean porn with my friend. When are you getting home?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Bernard

Hipster: To sunshine, rainbows and gay porn!

–Sheep’s Meadow, Central Park

Dude to chick: … So she put the CD in the computer, and as Windows Media Player starts popping up, I remember I had been jerking it to lesbian porn about a half hour before that…

–Canal & Broadway

Overheard by: P. Mills

Hipster chick on cell: … In Barnes and Noble’s. Yeah, we’ll be here for a while. I’m reading porn in the Science Fiction section… Yes, the Science Fiction section! So?

–Barnes & Noble, Astor Pl

Drunk guy: Yeah, so all these straight women are totally into this gay Japanese porn. You know, uh, what’s it called? Yahweh?

–Ceol Irish Pub, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on September 12, 2007
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Wednesday One-Liners Got Milk

12-year-old to friend: Pull on my nipples and scream!

–42nd & 5th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Roger Mortis

Lady to male friend: So, I am unsure how you came to the conclusion that members of a particular race have awesome nipples.

–Bowery & 4th

Overheard by: beantowner

Dude: She was beautiful, but her nipples were like a car accident!

–Last Exit Bar, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: D

Police dispatch: Mister Nipple is at it again, Midtown.

–Chinatown

Posted on September 12, 2007
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Wednesday One-Liners Are Anything but Normal

Bimbette on cell: Well, I really need to go to Linens ‘n’ Things today, because when I move into my new apartment I’m going to need tons of, like, linens… ‘n’ things. Oh my god, that’s so weird!

–Outside Bed, Bath & Beyond, 19th & 6th

Mini thug: Yo, my mother is weird, son. All we be having is fruits and shit in our house — like we Jewish or somethin’.

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: tiffb

Large black lady: You must have to look weird to work in this store… I haven’t seen a normal-looking person since we got here.

–GameStop, 33rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Toria

Queer: Being gay is sooo weird.

–F train

Girl to friend: Making out with my brother was the weirdest thing of my life.

–79th St Crosstown Bus