Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Love Pussy

Well-dressed lady to homely man: No, I have to go. I’m herding cats here.

–Prince & Broadway

Girl on first date: Yeah, and so sometimes I let my cat lick my nipples…

–Outside Pratt Institute

Black teen to her gaggle of pals: She has fuckin’ lupus, and her pussy smells like cat!

–69th & 1st

Overheard by: Erica

Pretty girl: All the boys in New York have a broken heart… And a cat.

–Court St, Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: Ethan

Man eating sandwich: This meat tastes like cat balls. This ain’t meatballs, it’s cat balls! It tastes like cat!

–Subway restaurant, 23rd & Madison

Overheard by: quickly losing my appetite

Frat guy on cell: You’ll never guess what happened! Smoky came back! … Yeah, it’s good. He’s all like, ‘Meow, meow,’ and I’m all like, ‘Shut up!’

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jess

Bluetooth Wednesday One-Liners

Chick yelling out window of hybrid SUV: I’m a better driver than you, and I’m texting at the same time!

–Westside Hwy

Overheard by: Glad I’m walking

Black guy to no one in particular: Do you have Michael Jackson’s phone number? [Taps on cab window] Do you have Michael Jackson’s phone number? [To a little girl in stroller] Do you have Michael Jackson’s phone number?

–58th & 9th

Overheard by: Jofo

Secretary-General of the model UN: Before we go, this phone was found in the bathroom — it’s a pink RAZR… It says ‘Stud muffin’ on it.

–United Nations

Crazy guy handing out Sprint flyers: Free camera phone! Soon you’ll be eating the robots!

–Outside Sprint, Broadway & Washington Pl

Overheard by: Deby

Hipster girl, addressing iPhone campers: You’re waiting for a phone?! I can understand if it was for cupcakes…

–Prince & Greene

Overheard by: non-mac nerd

Wednesday One-Liners Have Anti-Game

I-banker: It’s not so much finding girls — there are girls all over the place. It’s more finding girls who will have sex with you.

–52nd & 2nd

Overheard by: NCS

Dude on cell: Yeah, I got this boy here — he’s been celibate for two years. He likes Latin girls. Do you have any?

–Tattoo parlor, 6th Ave, near W 4th

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Queer on cell: God, it’s like he’s so busy being transgender he’s got no time for sex anymore. [In a falsetto] Oh, call me ‘Meghan’ from now on. [Normal voice] Fuck that! I’m gay for a reason, you know?

–13th & 6th

Teenybopper: Ugh, I was such a prude in fifth grade.

–Beacon’s Closet, Park Slope

Overheard by: Ruby

Equal-Opportunity Wednesday One-Liners

Sex kitten on cell: … Body shots with hot, Brazilian, bi girls? Check.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: McN.

Man on cell: … And now she likes girls, so what am I supposed to do?

–86th & 3rd

Overheard by: Karolyn

NYU broad: I figure I’ve got three more years before it’s not experimenting anymore… Of course I let him fuck me. If I didn’t, it’d just be like fucking a girl!

–NYU Silver Center

Guy on cell: I’m telling you, she slept with someone else in my bed… It was another woman… Well, she said it didn’t count.

–Outside Circus Bar, 43rd & 8th

Overheard by: tommy z

Teen boy recounting a fight at a school dance: … And so I told them, ‘Niggas better not fight, or my hand will be bisexual tonight, and I will slap you bitches!’

–J train

Hot chick on cell: How are we not millionaires with all our combined knowledge of meatotomy, Vegas, and bisexuality?

–Harlem

Overheard by: McNasty

Wednesday One-Liners Know How to Potty

Man leaving bathroom stall: I did it my way!

–420 5th Ave

Loud 12-year-old girl in stall, screaming to friends by the sinks: Is it bad that my pee is, like, foamy?

–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jenn

Young girl exiting porta-potty: I feel sick. I guess I shouldn’t have looked down.

–Prospect Park

Kid in stall: Dad, I’m peeing with one hand behind my back and my eyes closed!

–Toys ‘R’ Us

Overheard by: Sean Bogart

Woman running into bathroom: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, I have to pee! [Enters stall] Phew! Come on… [Starts peeing, then sighs] Oh, thank you, dear Lord, for this glorious opportunity!

–Staten Island Ferry terminal

Overheard by: amila, NOT the Lord

Girl in stall, answering cell: Hello? What? Oh, yeah, sorry. I was totally masturbating when you called.

–Union Square

Wednesday One-Liners for the Naked Cowboy

Old man on cell: Okay, well, I’m going to let you go. I’m seeing Spring Awakening, and I have to get settled and take my clothes off before the show starts.

–Eugene O’Neill Theater

Overheard by: Miki

Woman on cell: Mark, unless I undressed you, I don’t need your help!

–Outside CBS Broadcast Center, W 57th St

Fully-clothed little boy running with friend: I feel naked!

–Battery Park

Chick: You can still laugh with your shirt off.

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: wondering why this even needed to be said

Banker: Hermione better nude up for the next Harry Potter.

–60 Wall St

Hoochie: Let me tell you, there is a huge difference between a generally good party and a generally good party with naked girls.

–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Steve

Wednesday One-Liners Wish They Hadn’t Said That

Guy to girl in aisle seat: Excuse me — I think I’m inside you.

–Board plane at LaGuardia

Hot chick to friend: You have to play with it every night. Give it the attention it deserves.

–51st & Broadway

Overheard by: Jatmos

Conductor: If you got something sticking out, pull it all in! In the rear and the front!

–1 train

Teacher: You’ve got to stick it in the hole and twist it!

–MS 54

Overheard by: It’s not turning!

Hoochie on cell: Hi, it’s Sarah returning your call. I’m in Noho… or Soho… I don’t know what ‘ho’ I’m in…

–Broadway, between Prince & Spring

Overheard by: Not a Ho

Wednesday One-Liners Watch AZN

Teacher: So, for the most part you guys had really low participation grades. Then they made me sit through some psychology workshop entitled ‘The Asian Teen and Why They’re So Quiet.’ After that, I raised everyone’s grade.

–Bronx Science

Overheard by: LSB

Lady with accent, to toddler: I don’t know about Asians… He just fell over, and they don’t even care! They’re just gonna leave them there!

–Faye’s Starbucks, Washington Square

Overheard by: Sydney M

White mom taking photo of Chinese seven-year-old daughter: Honey, open your eyes! Wider! Open your eyes, dear!

–Times Square

Black guy with guitar: Hey! Hey you! This song I’m gonna sing is for you, Chinese girl. [Sings] Everybody was kung fu fighting, [yells and chops the air] boom, bam! Thank you. Thank you all! I accept pennies, nickels, dimes, iPods, wallets, cellphones, sunglasses, your first born, your mama, credit cards and Asians.

–1 train

Overheard by: Brina Guild

Nerd: You can tell how good a testing location is by the ratio of people to Asians.

–Line for SATs, Martin Luther King Jr. High

Guy, regarding VA Tech: It’s not right — Asians aren’t serial killers. If they were, there wouldn’t be so many people in China. [Friends stare silently.] What? Too soon?

–NYU

Overheard by: evil new york

Breaking Windsday One-Liners

Defensive fat lady, as young guy looks accusingly at her: Oh, no, you better don’t. I saw you tilt.

–Crowded 1/9 train

Overheard by: Joseph

Happy hobo: I just farted… Yes, all by myself!

–McDonald’s

Big black guy, after someone let out very smelly fart: Well, I hope somebody feels better!

–Long line at Port Authority bus terminal

Hipster boy to friends: I mean, last night we have a conversation about how I’m not respected, and this morning I’m being farted on. Why? Why?!

–Morgan Ave stop

Wednesday One-Liners, As Seen in Playbill

Twenty-ish girl exiting theater: Ugh… It’s like getting out of prison…

–Stage door for Mary Poppins, 41st St

Angry old lady: You shouldn’t have to be distracted by all these ideas when you’re watching a play.

—Cymbeline, BAM

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Mother to child eating pizza: Eat your cereal! Do you know why I said, ‘Eat your cereal’? Because it’s a line in Mommy’s play.

–105th & Broadway

Shocked lady fanning herself after first act of Spring Awakening: Well, that certainly wasn’t Cats.

–O’Neill Theater

Overheard by: sjp

Girl on cell: Wait, she quit her job to come see the show?

–Rush line for Spring Awakening

Overheard by: hope she gets tickets

Blue-haired person to another: I didn’t care for it, but the Asians will love it!

—Sweet Charity showing, Al Hirschfeld Theatre

Overheard by: Robert

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist