Woman, seeing Richard Simmons: Oh my god!
Richard Simmons, turning around: Oh my god!! I love you so much!
Woman, walking away: If I had a Twitter account I would so tweet that shit.
–City Hall
Overheard by: Commander Xander
Archive for the ‘About Celebrities’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners, Plus Puerto Rico
Douchebag college student to girl: The cop looked at my ID and said “Come on, Mr California!” and I was like: “Mr California? Come on! I’ve been here for like four months!”
–G Train
Overheard by: Guy who puts 4 months to shame
Jersey girl: I don’t do Arkansas.
–Tram to Roosevelt Island
Eight-year-old to uncle: Please don’t move to Connecticut… It’s too hard to spell!
–38th & 2nd Ave
Aging queen to record store clerk: Oivia Newton-John’s fine and all, but she’s like 55 and living in Connecticut, so she lost her edge.
–Rebel Rebel Records: Bleecker and Christopher st.
Suit on cell: Do they make you sterile? Can you have sex? When you’re on the pills, can you have sex? You should go to Utah. They have great sex in Utah. The Mormons are famous for it. I think we should have easter dinner at 4.30 at Fekkai’s.
–43rd St between Madison & 5th
Black man, pulling up his pants while being chased out of the library by two Hispanic security guards: I’m sick of dem Hispanics, man! I’m sick of ’em! I love California.
–New York Public Library, 42nd St branch
Overheard by: Jason
Wednesday One-Liners Say “Toro, Toro, Taxi!”
Little girl to father, about pedestrian sign: But I don’t want to be a pedestrian! I want to be famous!
–17th & Irving
(pedestrians are crossing when they aren’t supposed to. One almost gets hit by a taxi)
Female traffic cop to taxi driver: Next time, just go ahead and run them over.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: momes
Homeless man directing traffic in middle of street: I killed 20,000 people, I ain’t afraid of no car! I killed 20,000 people, I ain’t afraid of no car!
–Jerry Orbach St
Gangster walking in front of Range Rover: Fuck it, if I’ma getting hit by a car, I’ma getting hit by a nice car.
–Broadway & Houston
Tourist driving car: I don’t give a fuck if you own the world! I’m running your ass over!
–Financial District
Overheard by: lex
New Yorkers Don’t Really Care Where You’re From
Girl #1: Where is he from, anyway?
Girl #2: I dunno, he’s from Fort Dallas or something.
Girl #1: He’s from some fort town.
Girl #2: Well, there’s Dallas-Fort Worth, but that’s, like, a big city. (pause) He’s from wherever Kelly Clarkson’s from.
Girl #1: Oh, okay!
–LIRR
Overheard by: openmic
But at Last He’s Got the Motivation to Earn It
Guy with cat fetish: The only way I’d have sex with a dog is if Donald Trump gave me 62 billion dollars.
Guy with Donald Trump fetish: Donald Trump doesn’t have that much money!
–Classroom, Barnard College, 117th & Broadway
Overheard by: hallway passerby
Not Even the Women’s Studies Professor Is Safe From Gina and Ashley’s Critique
Student #1: I don’t know why that bitch has such a big ego, she’s fucking ugly.
Student #2: Yeah, I know, but she thinks she’s Paris Hilton or some shit.
Student #1: She’s probably getting fucked by some loser.
–St. John’s University
Overheard by: kapnasty
Headline by: Leema
Runners-Up:
· “…And Taping It to Launch Her “Career”” — LOLa
· “And I’m Taping It” — Victor
· “Hey, Don’t Call My Dad a Loser!” — PeterG
· “How Guys Interpret the Twilight Books” — john
· “Just Another Day Behind the Scenes Of “The View”” — Yobojo
· “Throw in a Chihuahua and a Coke Habit…” — someday, I could be that loser
The Modern-Day Equivalent Of the Bell Tolling
Girl #1: Michael Jackson is dead? Really?
Girl #2: Yeah, we read it on TMZ. They’re usually pretty good about knowing when people are dead.
–The Mill
That Way, Meryl Will Be a Lock after Oprah’s Two Terms
Girl #1: The Devil Wears Prada is like, the best movie ever made.
Girl #2: Oh, totally. Meryl Streep’s character was fabulous in that!
Girl #1: Dude, Meryl Streep should run for President. No, wait. Oprah should run for President, and Meryl Streep should be Vice President.
–86th & Lex
Strange How You Never See Them Together
Little boy #1: I’m telling you, Elvis lives, man.
Little boy #2: Where’s my mom?
–187th & Ft. Washington
Overheard by: yum
I Can’t Wait Not to Have One of My Own
Chick #1: Dude, everyone’s popping out babies these days. JLo, TomKat, Britney. It’s like they’re the new fucking accessory.
Chick #2: Yeah, who wants a fucking baby anyway? You just turn into a fatass with stretch marks and saggy tits with a screaming infant who no one wants to be around.
Very pregnant passenger: I’m due in two weeks.
Chick #1: Aww! Is it a boy or a girl?
–F train
