Little girl, holding herself and shivering: Daddy, Daddy — my heart is cold!
Father: Your heart is cold?
Little girl: Yes, it’s cold!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Lai
Little girl, holding herself and shivering: Daddy, Daddy — my heart is cold!
Father: Your heart is cold?
Little girl: Yes, it’s cold!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Lai
Queer: That was so disappointing. What was that director thinking? And that drum! Jesus, that drum — the most important scene probably in the last hundred years of Dramatic Literature. I mean, the girl is saving the town, for God’s sake — it’s supposed to be heroic — and they give her a tiny toy drum, practically a fucking tambourine! It makes the scene funny and ludicrous! It’s like, what are they fighting for, for Christ’s sake?!
Passing B&T woman: Well, that’s the point, isn’t it? What are they ever fighting for?
Queer: Certainly not that fucking drum.
–Outside the Delacorte Theater, Central Park
Little boy #1: So, yeah — the human race is pretty much the root of all evil.
Little boy #2: But you’re a human. It’s like you’re insulting yourself.
Little boy #1: Nuh-uh. I’m an android, remember?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Toastuh
Crazy guy: … And all the companies of the New York Stock Exchange — I own them all… And you invest in them with my peanuts… And Sarah bought all the real estate in New York City with my money — it’s all mine.
Hobo: Bullshit. That squirrel over there sold it to me for an acorn.
Crazy guy: Shut up, bitch, before I throw you off my island!
–Bethesda Fountain, Central Park
Girl: I’m so glad you’re moving in with us.
Queer: Me, too. I was talking to my roommate the other day — the one I hate — and she was like, ‘I feel like once you move out I’ll never see you and we won’t hang out anymore.’ And I was just thinking, ‘Bitch, when I move out, you’re coming off my MySpace! You was just a pity add!’
–Central Park
Tourist: Are you shooting a movie? Is that what all this is for?
Production assistant: Yes.
Tourist: Which movie? Is it a new one? Who’s in it?
Production assistant: It’s a new Adam Sandler movie. It’s called–
Tourist: –Oh. Never mind. [Walks away.]
–Columbus Circle entrance to Central Park
Overheard by: Sweaty running boy
Guy #1: Dude, that man squirrel is about to rape that woman squirrel.
Guy #2: Do squirrels have wieners?
Guy #1: I don’t know… I want to see if he sticks it in her!
Guy #2: Oh my god! They’re 69-ing each other! This is awesome!
Guy #1: Holy shit! He just stuck his head up her squirrel-gina!
Guy #2: [Captivated silence.]
–Central Park
Overheard by: Armando
Bimbette #1: So then I got a text from him this morning [shows friend text message]. I mean, who forgets if they have sex?
Bimbette #2: Haha… There’s not even a ‘hello’ or punctuation… Just ‘Did we have sex.’
Bimbette #1: I know!
Bimbette #2: Well, did you?
Bimbette #1: I’m not sure…
–Central Park
Dude #1: So, I went on that job interview today.
Dude #2: How did it go?
Dude #1: I don’t know — I didn’t step on the cat fast enough.
Dude #2: Yeah, that will kill ya.
–Central Park
Girl #1: I mean, who has sex without protection? I know I’d always use a condom… If I ever had sex, that is.
Girl #2: But you’d never have sex.
Girl #1: Yes… Abstinence is key!
–Central Park
