Suit #1: So what did you think of the title I handed in for [Henderson]’s new job?
Suit #2: I was in Albany when you sent that out. I didn’t get a chance to read it.
Suit #1: I was going to write “potentate” but I wasn’t sure that I could spell it!
Suit #3: Well, most Caesars were murdered…
–Burger Heaven, 49th St.
Girl on cell: Like, everything’s orange. It’s so weird.
–The Gates
Sarcastic old man: Oh, excuse me. I’ll move so you can get a picture of this pole. A magnificent work of art!
–The Gates
Two-year-old in stroller: I love Barack Obama!
Exasperated mother: We know. We know you love Barack Obama.
–Great Lawn, Central Park
Overheard by: Helena the Great
Blonde to other: Don't worry, within like an hour you'll have Jameson running through your system.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Girl on cell: I'm kind of hungover–I think that gin and tonic was a bad idea. I was already drunk, I don't know why I felt the need to have one… And then I went home and made scrambled eggs, and then I wrote a long email to Jen* about how good they were and then I read it this morning and I was like "I am such an idiot!"
–Broadway & Great Jones
Overheard by: Lillian
Sorority girl on cell: Well, I'm going to have some champagne, but it's not like I'm knocking back shots with the guys. (pause) Yeah, I know, I know, I'll be careful. (pause) Don't worry, mom, I've done worse drugs than drink before! (long pause) I don't want to talk about it. (long long pause) So…I'm going to go horseback riding!
–Broadway & 34th St, Astoria
Overheard by: Horsies Are Pretty
Bartender: Ladies and gentlemen! Don't run away from or by the bar! You have an hour to walk to your seats. Again, please do not run from the bar, run to it!
—Wicked, Broadway
Girl to friend: I only get tipsy enough to go into the Virgin Megastore…
–2nd Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: Jonathan
Man to friend, about AA: Y'know, if I could drink like normal people, I'd get drunk every night.
–Central Park
Overheard by: John Tidyman
Girl to friend: When I told you to seize the moment I didn't know you were drunk!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Rebecca
Woman: She brought a bottle of vodka on the plane with her. She was doing shots the whole flight.
–Central Park
Overheard by: sarah
Conductor: The next stop is Cherry Hill, but for the men singing, it was alcohol.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Date Rape
Smooth operator: Don’t worry, I thought you were pretty before I got drunk.
–Subway
Party girl: Yeah, so I did like 10 shots and woke up the next day wearing only one shoe and a sombrero.
–51st St & Broadway
Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I have spent all my money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… But now, I have learned my lesson. I want to spend all your money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… and viagra…
–Union Square, uptown 6 train
Guy: Dude, I can’t get that drunk. I am trying to fuck that girl tonight.
–Outside Columbia dorm
Bimbette: Oh my god, it was a terrorist act! I’m going to the wine bar.
–68th St & York
Girl: Yeah, so, did you hear that the bald eagle isn’t extinct anymore?
–Central Park
Woman on cell: I have to get home so I can put away the b-o-n-g.
–19th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kyle
Man in light green suit with orange-red gators: Read the bible tonight. Don't smoke that Scooby Doobie Doo. Don't get high tonight!
–125th & Lenox
Overheard by: Plausible
Young hipster: So I said, "Mom, did you smoke with me?"
–Central Park Reservoir
Angry girlfriend to boyfriend: Okay, so you don't want me smoking pot, you don't want me smoking cigarettes or cloves, you don't want me chewing gum and now you don't like lollipops? So tell me, Peter, what can I put in my mouth that's okay with you?
–L Train
Overheard by: It's me, bitches.
Teacher: Steve*, I need to talk to your pot dealer, because the stuff you're smoking is really good.
–Cooper Union
Overheard by: me too
Guy talking on blue tooth: I should be there in about 45 minutes. (pause) Yeah, I'm serious! (pause) Look. I got an idea for ya. Why don't you go roll a big fat blunt, smoke it until you can't see anymore and then I'll be there. Alright? Bye.
–8th Ave & 27th St
Overheard by: Erica Friedman
Girl: I mean honestly, who at NYU doesn't smell like weed?
–Washington Square Park
Straight guy: Uhm dude, I don't think he's gay.
Queer guy: So what? His fly was open.
–Central Park
Dude: Bitch, you’re one hot bitch.
Girl: Did you just call me a bitch?
Dude: Wanna have sex?
Girl: I would, but I have to walk in this direction now.
–Central Park
Hobo: Spare some change?
Yuppie woman: Sorry. But would you like some prosciutto with melon?
Hobo: Yeah, okay.
–96th & CPW
Overheard by: Jill
