Central Park

Suit to security guard: Which elevator goes next door?

–1 Penn Plaza

Overheard by: Nora

Hot dog vendor: To go?

–Hot Dog Stand, 62nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Chrissy

Woman holding Dunkin Donuts mug to employee: Excuse me, can this mug hold cold drinks as well, or just hot ones?

–Dunkin Donuts, 76th & York

Woman: Crepe cafe? What do they do there? (comes closer) Ohhhh, they make crepes?

–Crepe Cafe Cart, W 50th St

Overheard by: Dianora

20‐something girl to friend: What are we even walking for again?

–Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk, Central Park

Laughing, genuinely amazed Columbia underclassman: Isn’t it, like, amazing, how we know what is food and what isn’t food?

–W 114th Street b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Conductor: Next stop is…where am I?

–Uptown 1 Train

Tourist #1: I want a soda, but I don’t see it on the menu.
Tourist #2: They don’t have soda here?
Tourist #3: I don’t see any drinks on the menu at all.
Tourist #1: This place’ll never make it without soda.

–Carnegie Deli, 54th & 7th

Overheard by: Sitting at the table next to them, three feet away

Tourist #1: Wait, where are we?
Skater kid: Fuckin’ Earth man, fucking Earth.
Tourist #2: Wait, where?

–Bethesda Fountain, Central Park

Jogging hoochie on cell: Yeah, I just touched down in Boston. No, I’m still in the airport waiting for my bag.
Black guy: Don’t believe her! She’s in Atlantic City!

–Central Park

Overheard by: MaliceAlice

Girl #1: Oh my god, he is *so* hot!
Girl #2: That’s a woman!
Girl #1: Oh my god! Does that make me gay? Am I gay?

–Central Park

College‐Aged guy: “Imagine”?? I don’t get it. What am I supposed to imagine?
Girlfriend: Shhh, let’s go!

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park

Overheard by: beatle

Stylish 20‐something woman to overweight pug breathing heavily: Well, Winifred, you’re out of breath because you’re out of shape. (pause) No, you’re not fat. You’re voluminous. (pause) Yes, I am aware it’s not all your fault. Mummy likes to watch you eat powder doughnuts. (pause) Pugs that look like they have a coke habit are very funny for mummy, yes they are.

–Central Park

Young hipster to Labrador, as people approach: Come on! Come on! Say hello! (dog remains seated, doing nothing) God! I’ve been training him for months to talk to couples and it just isn’t working!

–Williamsburg

Woman to her dog: Don’t be an insult to your species! Act like a dog!

–10th St & Broadway

Lady to little barking dog: Shut up. This is not your sidewalk.

–Brooklyn

Mom: Look at the sea lions, buddy!
Little boy: I don’t see any lions.
Mom: Well, they’re not really lions — they’re whales, just like dolphins!

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: Why isn’t there birth control in the water supply?

Kid #1: You don’t wanna get a sample of ice cream? Well, that’s cause you’re gay!
Kid #2: Are you sure I’m gay?

–Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: TW

Woman: Do you wanna go into those bushes and do it?
Man: Nah, we always fuck in Central Park. Let’s go to Washington Square.
Woman: Fine, but you have to buy me a funnel cake later.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Jimmy Dailey