What Day Do We Post Wednesday One‐Liners?

Suit to security guard: Which elevator goes next door?

–1 Penn Plaza

Overheard by: Nora

Hot dog vendor: To go?

–Hot Dog Stand, 62^nd & 3^rd

Overheard by: Chrissy

Woman holding Dunkin Donuts mug to employee: Excuse me, can this mug hold cold drinks as well, or just hot ones?

–Dunkin Donuts, 76^th & York

Woman: Crepe cafe? What do they do there? (comes closer) Ohhhh, they make crepes?

–Crepe Cafe Cart, W 50^th St

Overheard by: Dianora

20‐something girl to friend: What are we even walking for again?

–Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk, Central Park

Laughing, genuinely amazed Columbia underclassman: Isn’t it, like, amazing, how we know what is food and what isn’t food?

–W 114^th Street b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Conductor: Next stop is…where am I?

–Uptown 1 Train

Posted on August 5, 2022
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Columbia University, Conductors, Directions, Drinks, Food, Friends, Girls, Hot dog stands, Junk Food & Fast Food, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Parades & Festitivites, Philosophy, Politics, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Security Guards, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Upper East Side, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The First 31 Years Were Just a Blip

Tourist #1: I want a soda, but I don’t see it on the menu.
Tourist #2: They don’t have soda here?
Tourist #3: I don’t see any drinks on the menu at all.
Tourist #1: This place’ll never make it without soda.

–Carnegie Deli, 54^th & 7^th

Overheard by: Sitting at the table next to them, three feet away

Posted on July 13, 2022
Central Park, Delis, Drinks, Tourists

I Missed My Stop Again?

Tourist #1: Wait, where are we?
Skater kid: Fuckin’ Earth man, fucking Earth.
Tourist #2: Wait, where?

–Bethesda Fountain, Central Park

Posted on July 9, 2022
Central Park, Directions, Kids, Manhattan, People, Places, Straight Trippin', Tourists

Like Anyone Hears Anything Said on a Cell Phone

Jogging hoochie on cell: Yeah, I just touched down in Boston. No, I’m still in the airport waiting for my bag.
Black guy: Don’t believe her! She’s in Atlantic City!

–Central Park

Overheard by: MaliceAlice

Posted on July 3, 2022
Central Park, Hootchies, Lies, Strangers

Janet Reno Has Left a Trail Of Confused Ladies in Her Wake

Girl #1: Oh my god, he is *so* hot!
Girl #2: That’s a woman!
Girl #1: Oh my god! Does that make me gay? Am I gay?

–Central Park

Posted on June 23, 2022
Beauty, Central Park, Compliments, Default, Fears, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Questions

She’s Imagining a Future Without Him

College‐Aged guy: “Imagine”?? I don’t get it. What am I supposed to imagine?
Girlfriend: Shhh, let’s go!

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park

Overheard by: beatle

Posted on June 22, 2022
Central Park, Couples, Idiots, Music, Stupidity

Wednesday Caniners

Stylish 20‐something woman to overweight pug breathing heavily: Well, Winifred, you’re out of breath because you’re out of shape. (pause) No, you’re not fat. You’re voluminous. (pause) Yes, I am aware it’s not all your fault. Mummy likes to watch you eat powder doughnuts. (pause) Pugs that look like they have a coke habit are very funny for mummy, yes they are.

–Central Park

Young hipster to Labrador, as people approach: Come on! Come on! Say hello! (dog remains seated, doing nothing) God! I’ve been training him for months to talk to couples and it just isn’t working!

–Williamsburg

Woman to her dog: Don’t be an insult to your species! Act like a dog!

–10^th St & Broadway

Lady to little barking dog: Shut up. This is not your sidewalk.

–Brooklyn

Posted on June 16, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Assholes, Brooklyn, Central Park, Cocaine, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Education, Food, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Insults, Man's Best Friend, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Women

Don’t Help with My Homework Anymore, Okay?

Mom: Look at the sea lions, buddy!
Little boy: I don’t see any lions.
Mom: Well, they’re not really lions — they’re whales, just like dolphins!

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: Why isn’t there birth control in the water supply?

Posted on June 2, 2022
Animals & Nature, Central Park, Moms, Stupidity

…Says the Kid Who Ordered the “Banana Volcano Explosion”?

Kid #1: You don’t wanna get a sample of ice cream? Well, that’s cause you’re gay!
Kid #2: Are you sure I’m gay?

–Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: TW

Posted on April 6, 2022
Central Park, Comebacks, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Kids

Two If We Get Arrested Again

Woman: Do you wanna go into those bushes and do it?
Man: Nah, we always fuck in Central Park. Let’s go to Washington Square.
Woman: Fine, but you have to buy me a funnel cake later.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Jimmy Dailey

Posted on March 6, 2022
Central Park, Couples, Sex