Central Park

It Didn’t Work Out with Wednesday One-liners

Woman on cell: For five years you wouldn’t marry me because your mother was sick. Well, your mother’s fucking dead and you still won’t marry me!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Robbie

Goombah: So what? I went and had a couple beers with Junior! You know what? Fuck you, bitch! I want you outta my house when I get home!

–Brooklyn Heights

Man on cell: So what has changed from then to now?…of course! The vibrator! So that’s it, huh?

–Central Park

Overheard by: jeannette

Guy: That’s one of the reasons I had to dump her. I’d see all these
girls on the street and be like, “Hey now!”

–Broadway & Spring

Guy on cell: I moved all the way here and now you won’t even marry me?

–Broadway & 57th

I’ll Take That Bet

Guy #1: It’s really great that we have Central Park, you know? It makes the city so great in the summer.
Guy #2: Yeah, I know. It’s great to be this close to nature.
Girl: Also, the trees must make a lot of oxygen for the city.
Guy #1: That is true.
Guy #2: I bet some of it also comes from Jersey.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Lora

Your Wish Has Been Granted; Where’s the Blow?

Chick #1: I need to buy some coke for the house after this…Coca-Cola.
Chick #2: Oh! You need to clarify these things. I was picturing a big
jar of cocaine in your living room or something.
Chick #1: That would be the hottest thing ever! I keep saying these absurd things hoping someone will put it in Overheard in New York.

–Loews Theater, 86th & Lexington

Wednesday One-liners Go to the Park

Drunk hobo: Excuse me, sir, do you have Michael Jackson’s phone number?

–Central Park

Overheard by: alec

Girl on cell: Like, how many miles are in a square mile?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Glynnis

Guy on cell: No. You don’t understand. These girls are hungry. Tofu is not going to fucking do it.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Hambone Bootblack

Jogger lady: Oh, great, it’s raining. Thanks a lot, God.

–Central Park

Overheard by: mj

Man: That guy’s got a chicken. He’s gonna burn it! Hey man, don’t hurt the animals! He’s gonna burn the chicken!

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Alex Romanovich

Perhaps That’s the Problem…Pudga

Runner chick #1: What the hell are those people doing?
Runner chick #2: They’re in some sort of boot camp class.
Runner chick #1: They’re military?
Runner chick #2: No, I think they just pay someone to get them in shape.
Runner chick #1: But they’re so sweaty and out of breath! I never get that way with my trainer!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Peter

Put It Where It Doesn’t Belong

JHS boy #1: Shut up before I have to put my ass in your mouth.
JHS boy #2: How the hell you gonna put your ass in my mouth?

–Central Park

Girl #1: It looked like you were getting pretty close with that guy on the dance floor.
Girl #2: I know! He was putting his dick all up in my ass like he knew me or something.

–11th between 3rd & 4th

It’s Usually Running and Away from the Bronx

Pedicab guy: It’s a great day for a ride in Central Park. Want a ride?
Man: How much to the Bronx?

–Columbus Circle

Does Kitty Have Green Eyes Too?

Girl #1: My cat drinks out of my water glass all the time.
Girl #2: So?
Girl #1: I can’t drink it after that. I mean, she licks her own ass.

–Central Park

No Matter How Worthless You Are, There’s This Girl

Girl #1: I wouldn’t get married in New York, no way.
Girl #2. Me neither.
Girl #1: Out of town somewhere, New Haven, Scarsdale: way better. It’d be ridiculous here. Can you imagine?
Girl #3: Yup, right.
Girl #1: Only if I married for money. If he has money, then it’s a different story. Let’s say, 250k a year. Stockbroker, mortgage investment banker, lawyer surgeon, you know. At least 250 grand, or it might as well be in Boston. And I have to have an au pair, later.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Christopher Lee

Hopefully She’ll Down a Bottle of Rubbing

Girl #1: Get me something else at the bar?
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I’ve run out of alcohol to go with my champagne.

–Central Park boathouse

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