Queer #1: You did such a good job of shaving my balls!
Queer #2: You’re going to have to do mine again — they’re all spiky again.
Queer #1: O-M-G — I’ll have to do it as soon as we get home so we have enough time to bang before your parents come!
–Central Park
Overheard by: brunette teen
Dude #1: Yeah, man, all we need to find now is one more hot chick who’s willing to do all that, and our porno is set!
Dude #2: For sure, man.
–Central Park
Girl yelling to friend across street: Hey, guess what? I smelled it! I smelled it from here!
–Fordham University
Blonde on cell: So, I just took my hair down, and all I smelled was Dove and crack.
–JFK
Overheard by: spanky
Man to no one: It smells like my ex-wife in here!
–Highline Ballroom
Hootchie on cell: No joke — it smelled ripe down there. I be all, ‘Jimmy… D-A-M-N! I’m too busy gagging from the smell to gag on your bits.’
–W Broadway
Girl crying on cell to boyfriend: How could you fuck her?! Her pussy stinks!
–Union Square
Overheard by: SplendidConfusion
Thug on cell: Yo, I’m sure she smells better now, bro!
–Harlem Meer, Central Park
Overheard by: mj
Old guy with gray hair: I used to be an old guy with gray hair!
–Mott & Canal St
Overheard by: Will
80-year-old man: What is rough sex? Do I put her against the wall? I don’t know.
–10th & 3rd
Overheard by: Liz
Old lady struggling to get layers of scarves and coats off: I’m not used to having to put clothes on.
–New York Historical Society
Old lady on cell: Old people like sex! I’m 85, and I still like me some sex!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: imerikaf
75-year-old lady to hobo on bench: Oh, wow, you look so cozy!
–Central Park
Old man with cane to 20-ish girl who just nabbed the cab he hailed: Happy holidays, you dumb bitch!
–62nd & 2nd
Old white guy: Fo’ shizzle!
–Outside Nederlander Theatre
Gangsta #1: You guys have any weed?
White hippie: No, sorry. We have some booze coming soon, though.
Gangsta #2: Booze? What the hell?
Gangsta #1: Drinks, you dumbass… [To hippie] That’s cool, that’s cool.
White hippie: Have a good one!
–Central Park
Overheard by: LSB
Girl #1: I am, like, so dumb. I mean, really dumb. People look at me and think I’m dumb.
Girl #2: Yeah…
–Central Park
Girl with big hair: It was absolutely crazy.
Friend: I bet it was.
Girl with big hair: It was so messed up. Seriously, it was totally banana-whacked.
Friend: She’s banana-whacked. She’s a banana-whacked slut.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Juliet
Girl #1: Ugh! I hate her! She’s such a good little girl — always following the rules… Makes me sick.
Girl #2: I try to follow the rules. Do you hate me?
Girl #1: Nah, you do anal… I figure that balances it out.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: avgjoe
Little Asian girl: But why?
Mom: I don’t know, honey.
Little Asian girl: But why?
Mom: I just said that I don’t know!
Little Asian girl: But why don’t you know, Mommy?
Mom: Because Mommy’s stupid.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Miranda
Stuffy white lady pushing stroller, to friend: I can’t believe people are actually taking Justin Timberlake seriously these days.
Hipster crossing East: He brought sexy back, bitch! What the hell did you do?
–Central Park West
Overheard by: Zora Zero
