Wednesday One-Liner’s Burden

Jamaican man on cell: First there is the white people, then comes the animals, then comes me!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Cog-in-the-wheel

White hipster: Don’t let the white man bring you down!

–N. 6th & Bedford Ave

Black man, yelling at UGG-wearing Fordham student passing by: White girls get loving, too. But, not with those boots!

–E. Fordham Rd & Bathgate Ave

Guy with rosary: Yo, that girl used to be so bad. Now she’s hanging out with white people and playing croquet. Or whatever that shit is.

–North Woods, Central Park

Cute black girl: Damn! White girls be steppin’ it up! They got booties now and everything!

–106th & Broadway

Posted on June 4, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Brooklyn, Bryant Park, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Men, On Cell, Race, Shoes, Sports, The Bronx, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, White People

We’re Bringin’ Wednesday One-Liners Back

African tourist: All New Yorkers are sexy! That’s why I love this city. Everywhere I go, sexy. The cops, the people…

–Broadway & Chambers St.

Metro newspaper guy: Hey sexy man, take a metro and be a lot sexier!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Dora Watson

Loud freshman boy, entering cafeteria with more freshmen: And she pinched my nipple, but it was sexy!

–Edward R. Murrow High School

Overheard by: Kris S.

Student commenting on a painting of Mary and Jesus by Raphael: In this painting Mary has a little more of a…I don’t know, sexual aura. Her face is more narrow, I can kind of see her breast. She has her leg bent in a sexy way kind of like saying "I’m not a virgin anymore".

–Columbia University Art Humanities Class

Overheard by: Going to Hell

Skanky mom to three-year-old son: Hey sexy!

–Central Park

Overheard by: riana

Businesswoman to another: Who’s your sexy hoe?

–33rd St & Park

Tween girl with science textbook: You don’t understand cloning? Okay, let me tell you about it. It’s sexy as hell… [later] I stayed after class to get him to teach me about meiosis and it was really hot. I got so horny!

–F Train

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, Africans, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cops, Education, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Guys, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nipples, On the Subway, Questions, Science, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Students, Suits, Tourism, Tourists, Tweens, Visual Art, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words

The Emotional Distress Alone Will Cost You Four-Weeks’ Allowance

Little boy #1: I’m going to smash your bike!
Little boy #2: Well, if you smash my bike, I’m going to get a lawyer and sue you!

–Central Park

Posted on May 16, 2008
Boys, Central Park, Crime and Punishment, Default, Kids, Threats

Wednesday One-Liners Snort When They Laugh

Guy to self: Doctor Jean Grey has the most powerful orgasm of all the X-Men.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Stan

Engineering school chick, screaming: And I was like, ‘Oh my god, this is the worst protractor ever!’

–Columbia University

Skanky hipster chick to another: I would totally do him… But only if I had the ninja outfit on.

–Ludlow St.

[Four NYPD cops are checking people’s bags at rush hour. A man in a suit appears to be their superior.]Man in suit: But then he realizes that Jedis don’t seek revenge. [The four cops all nod gravely.]

–W 4th St Subway Station

Overheard by: KL

Fiftyish suit: Chewbacca, the original wingman…

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: Ike

Woman on cell: I’m busy. I’ve got things to do. And right now what I’m doing is looking at comic books.

–Forbidden Planet

Overheard by: Josh

Chick: We were always competing to be chief geek… But he had asperger’s, so he won.

–Central Park

Posted on May 14, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Central Park, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hipsters, Leisure, On Cell, Orgasm, Parks, Penn Station, Psychology, Sorority Girls, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, The Village, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Hasn’t Stopped Prince Charles

Man: I’m getting kind of sick of Will Ferrell.
Woman: Well, he’s kind of an asshole…and he has bad teeth.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Ethan

Posted on April 4, 2008
About Celebrities, Central Park, Default, Insults, Men, Physical appearance, Teeth, Women

Let’s Talk about Wednesday One-Liners, Baby

Girl to friend: That’s the difference between you and me: I have camp and you have sex.

–Bard High School Early College

Female commuter to male commuter after he accused her of pushing onto train: Just be grateful you had someone to rub against on a Friday night.

–6 train

Overheard by: Carol

Bearded dude: If you can’t tell me within five seconds the most number of fingers you’ve ever had in a woman at one time, I don’t want to talk to you about sex.

–Whiskey Park, Central Park South

Overheard by: Argopelter

Guy on cell, talking to someone’s voicemail: Hi, it’s Reacharound. I’m on my way to the library, but let me know if you want to get dinner later.

–Houston & Sullivan

Overheard by: lish

Chick: Actually, I can’t think of anything that’s not a metaphor for sexual awakening.

–Starbucks, 44th & 9th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on April 2, 2008
Advice, Central Park, College, Compare/Contrast, Creepsters, Default, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hand-Jobs, Leisure, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Parks, Sex, Starbucks, Street, The Village, Vagina, Women, Words

“Titanic,” before the Script Doctor

Chick: Hey, how’s it going?
Dude: Hey, wassup?
Chick: Not much. It’s so weird to see you outside.
Dude: I know. I told you I lived near you.
Chick: Oh, yeah. I remember now.
Dude: What are you doing here?
Chick: Heard the coffee here is pretty famous.
Dude: Yeah, it is.
Chick: Anyways, I gotta go, but do you even know my name?
Dude: No…
Chick: What? I know yours. Tony, right?
Dude: No. I’m Dennis.
Chick: Oh, shit. Okay, Dennis. I’m Sonia. Anyways, gotta go. I will see you again, okay?
Dude: Alright. Bye.
Chick: Bye.

–Central Park

Posted on March 29, 2008
Central Park, Coffee, Default, Girls, Guys, Names, Parks, Questions, Sex & Relationships

If by “Fun” You Mean Lying on the Floor Drooling, Then Yes.

Guy #1: Dude, I’ve got nub.
Guy #2: I’ve got rocks.
Guy #1: Word.
Guy #2: Oh, let’s put them in the hookah and smoke all of them at the same time. I heard it’s a fun game.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Samantha

Posted on March 27, 2008
Central Park, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Druggies, Friends, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Offers and requests, Parks

Finishing Off a Big Scoop of Ben & Jerry’s “Bi-Curious”

Man: It just got to the point that if I took another bite, it would explode all over me, so I shoved the whole thing in my mouth. [Woman eating ice cream cone snickers.]

–Central Park

Posted on March 25, 2008
Body Parts, Central Park, Default, Food, Men, Threats

Larger, Lovelier Wednesday One-Liners

Fat lady elbowing her way onto train: Shit, they need to get some bigger subway cars.

–6 train, 28th St

Wife to hubby, after daughter got up from table: She still has a big ass and thighs, but she’s getting better.

–City Bakery, W 18th St

Overheard by: katherine

Man holding huge burger in small bun: Dude! This is like a fat man in spandex!

–Upper West Side

Blonde rubbing grouchy guy’s head: I’m sorry, baby, but you know how I get around fat people, and those two women were huge! Just disgusting!

–Metro-North

Overheard by: Ryan

Hobo: Anyone have a dollar? Anyone? I’m askin’ because all you ladies are beautiful. I don’t bother with ugly people or fat people! They just have problems. Their wife is cheating on them? It’s my fault! No, I just walk on by all those fat people.

–Brooklyn-bound L train

Overheard by: Colleen

Mom to six-year-old son: Junk food is crap. If you eat it, you will be fat. Like Mommy.

–Central Park

Posted on March 12, 2008
Advice, Ass, Body Parts, Central Park, Compliments, Couples, Default, Diet/Weight, Fashion, Fat People, Gripes, Hobos, Junk Food & Fast Food, Men, Moms, On the Subway, Panhandling, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women