15-year-old girl to little brother: Do you understand? This is not a joke. If you smear poop on my computer, I will shit in your bed every day for the next two weeks.
Little brother: Yes, I'm sorry.
–Central Park Bench
15-year-old girl to little brother: Do you understand? This is not a joke. If you smear poop on my computer, I will shit in your bed every day for the next two weeks.
Little brother: Yes, I'm sorry.
–Central Park Bench
Hobo with two jars in front of him: Food or drugs! Choose whether you’d like to sponsor my evening shot or dinner!
–Central Park
Homeless man: Hey, bindi-a, lookin’ good today! (Indian girl ignores his comment, begins to walk away). Fine! When you get mugged, I’m not helping you!
–Washington Square Park
Enterprising lady hobo: You could use your credit card to get cash, and give me the cash.
–Outside Dunkin’ Donuts, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Panhandling hobo: Spare some change for a large bottle of water and a nice Chef salad? Spare some change for bottled water and salad?
–Broadway & 10th St
Hobo: Hey lemme borrow those red Converse! I’ve got a hot date with Monica Lewinsky tonight!
–14th & 6th
Hobo to another: "You’re gonna turn me into a waffle?" That’s what she told me, you said! A waffle? Oh no, I don’t think so!
–23rd b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: sara
Crazy hobo: Watch out for traffic and knuckleheads! Beware! (points at random pedestrian) Him! He’s a knucklehead! Don’t trust him!
–5th Ave & 49th St
Suit on cell, running: Oh shit! Oh shit! I told you! The monks are after me!
–Central Park
Overheard by: walking with bagel
Midtown suit: I’m the fucking Vice President. I shouldn’t have to crawl under my desk four times a day.
–Passing MSG
Overheard by: coasts
Suit on cell: I don’t really know… No, I definitely don’t remember his name. I was kind of drunk.
–48th & Lex
Suit: Well, they had voices then.
–Outside Sardi’s
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Suit on cell: No, I told you to sell, sell, sell! This is important! Listen to me! Wait! Hold on, I have someone important on the other line. (takes out some chapstick, takes his time to smear his lips with it, then gets back to phone) So, where was I..?
–N Train, Queens
Overheard by: Zazaplaza
Laughing suit to man with dog: What a nice dog! He must love playing in the snow.
Man with dog: Thank you.
Suit: He must love playing in the snow.
Man with dog: I think she’s just looking for a place to take a dump.
–Central Park
Private school girl: Would you cry if you found out I was dying?
Friend: Sure, if I was on my period.
–Great Lawn
Tourist to doorman, in thick German accent: Excuse me, can you point me to the nearest Hooters?
–53rd St
Overheard by: jillcorp
Tourist taking a picture of her uncooperative teenage daughter: Shut up and pose, or I’m going to pee right on this yard.
–Central Park
Tourist about to take picture with lens cap on: Oh, shoot! Hold on, I have to take the lens cap off or else the picture is going to be really dark!
–Grand Central Terminal
Tourist girl: I don’t get it, there’s so many suits here, I thought Union Square would be full of hippies.
–City Hall Park
Tourist on cell: So far, I’ve experienced coldness and evil.
–57th & 8th
Overheard by: Lag
Hipster on cell: Drunk dialing is the new black. Fuck you. Happy new year.
–House Party, Lorimer St
Overheard by: confabulation Nation
Redhead to friend: I swear we always have orange animals and they’re all called Renae.
–Central Park
Woman to man: There are many things to be sad about. The color of money being green isn’t one of them.
–90th & 1st
Overheard by: Sam
Sad suit: Their yogurt is just too white.
–Outside Pinkberry in Koreatown
Girl: Yeah, my pubes are pink.
–B1 Bus
Overheard by: Robert
Middle aged gay man: Alright! I like colored pens! There, I said it.
–42nd St
Jamaican man on cell: First there is the white people, then comes the animals, then comes me!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Cog-in-the-wheel
White hipster: Don’t let the white man bring you down!
–N. 6th & Bedford Ave
Black man, yelling at UGG-wearing Fordham student passing by: White girls get loving, too. But, not with those boots!
–E. Fordham Rd & Bathgate Ave
Guy with rosary: Yo, that girl used to be so bad. Now she’s hanging out with white people and playing croquet. Or whatever that shit is.
–North Woods, Central Park
Cute black girl: Damn! White girls be steppin’ it up! They got booties now and everything!
–106th & Broadway
African tourist: All New Yorkers are sexy! That’s why I love this city. Everywhere I go, sexy. The cops, the people…
–Broadway & Chambers St.
Metro newspaper guy: Hey sexy man, take a metro and be a lot sexier!
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Dora Watson
Loud freshman boy, entering cafeteria with more freshmen: And she pinched my nipple, but it was sexy!
–Edward R. Murrow High School
Overheard by: Kris S.
Student commenting on a painting of Mary and Jesus by Raphael: In this painting Mary has a little more of a…I don’t know, sexual aura. Her face is more narrow, I can kind of see her breast. She has her leg bent in a sexy way kind of like saying "I’m not a virgin anymore".
–Columbia University Art Humanities Class
Overheard by: Going to Hell
Skanky mom to three-year-old son: Hey sexy!
–Central Park
Overheard by: riana
Businesswoman to another: Who’s your sexy hoe?
–33rd St & Park
Tween girl with science textbook: You don’t understand cloning? Okay, let me tell you about it. It’s sexy as hell… [later] I stayed after class to get him to teach me about meiosis and it was really hot. I got so horny!
–F Train
Little boy #1: I’m going to smash your bike!
Little boy #2: Well, if you smash my bike, I’m going to get a lawyer and sue you!
–Central Park
