Comebacks

Because Technically, White Is Just the Absence of Race

Puerto Rican girl: Wwhy you all cut that island in half? You racist against the niggas on the other half? They your neighbors!
Dominican girl: I know, right? It’s the hatred. Like, you all be racist against white people…
Puerto Rican girl: Yeah, but everyone is racist against white people. That don’t count!

–6 train

Overheard by: JS

Headline by: Zorak

Runners-Up:
· “Better to Be the Hater Than the Haiti” – madfigs
· “Just Like Proper Grammar.” – Jo
· “The Original ‘I Have a Dream’ Speech…” – Rahul Advani
· “White People: They Can Do That?” – Kiki Malibu
· “White People Would Have Weighed In, but They Were Golfing” – s h

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Also, You Just Directed Me Towards the Saran Wrap

Dude: There's a new kind of condom out that makes you feel like you're not wearing it.
Pharmacist: I don't know, sorry.
Dude: But you're a pharmacist.
Pharmacist: The product is over there. (points at all condoms)
Dude: Okay, thanks for knowing nothing.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Dave G

The Man Who Boned Grandma (NYC Short Stories)

Tourist grandpa: I’m going to sit here. Do you want a snack?
Tourist grandson: Sure.
Tourist grandpa: Here’s some money. Go over there and buy yourself something. And if you can find somebody nice, ask where we can get some cheesecake.

–Greeley Square

Overheard by: Nick Turner

Hasidic boy: Poppola, I heard a rumor that when a cow gets a cut from the milking machine, and blood gets in the milk…they have to turn it into chocolate milk, so people won’t know it’s there.
Hasidic grandpa: We should be so lucky!

–4 train

Overheard by: Raden Mutter

Kids These Days, I Tell Ya…

Kid #1: Paper beats rock. BAM! Your rock is blowed up!
Kid #2: “Bam” doesn’t blow up, “bam” makes it spicy. Now I got a SPICY ROCK! You can’t defeat that!

–6 Train

At Least They Agree About a Silly Outfit

Proud Asian father to friend: And my little one here, he's going to be a football player when he grows up!
Little Asian boy: No way, Jose! I'm gonna be a Power Ranger!

–East Flatbush, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Frado

Especially Since They’re Largely the Same People

Teen girl: I just realized I have a lot of numbers belonging to teachers and parents of my friends on my phone.
Friend: You’re such a loser.
Teen girl: Well, I also have the numbers of a lot of drug dealers and sketchy older guys I’ve had sex with, so I think the two cancel each other out.

–Horace Mann School

Overheard by: jen

I Know What You Did in College, Dad

Little girl: Daddy, are there people inside the big balloons?
Father: Only in Scooby-Doo. He’s a carnivore.

–77th & Columbus

You’re Still Only As Safe As Your Lover, Sweetie

Well-meaning volunteer: Help yourself, free condoms from the department of public health.
Hugely pregnant passerby: Too late.

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: Katie

Wednesday Caniners

Stylish 20-something woman to overweight pug breathing heavily: Well, Winifred, you're out of breath because you're out of shape. (pause) No, you're not fat. You're voluminous. (pause) Yes, I am aware it's not all your fault. Mummy likes to watch you eat powder doughnuts. (pause) Pugs that look like they have a coke habit are very funny for mummy, yes they are.

–Central Park

Young hipster to Labrador, as people approach: Come on! Come on! Say hello! (dog remains seated, doing nothing) God! I've been training him for months to talk to couples and it just isn't working!

–Williamsburg

Woman to her dog: Don't be an insult to your species! Act like a dog!

–10th St & Broadway

Lady to little barking dog: Shut up. This is not your sidewalk.

–Brooklyn

Stacy London: Ooooo…

Obese 40-something Puerto Rican hoochie in black tube top: Hey, watch where you're going.
Little blonde teen: Sorry. Didn't realize you were late for your episode of “what not to wear.”

–Bleecker & Broadway

Overheard by: Jekke

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