Middle-aged black man #1: She has a pretty face.
Middle-aged black man #2: I can’t fuck a face!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Tad Allagash

Very obnoxious drunk man to long-suffering waitress: Hey, what’s your name, anyway?
Waitress (coldly): Melissa.
Drunk man (softly): Awww, my daughter’s name is Melissa.
Waitress: Well, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we usually turn out slutty.

Los Angeles, California

Girl #1: Well, it doesn't bother me.
Girl #2: That's because you don't have to look at it!
Girl #3: You. Look. Like. A. Whore.
Girl #4: But a mermaid whore!

University of Florida

Old woman in wheelchair being driven around busy food court: I hate this place! All I can see are people's butts.
Old man behind her: So why are you having me cart you around the city in a wheelchair for?!


Overheard by: I saw her later stand up…

Man with sons and wife: We made good time. Only took an hour.
Wife, getting angry: Would you stop letting people know how ignorant you really are?
Man: So what? We did the Louvre in 45 minutes.

Reina Sofia Museum

Overheard by: amy abes

Mother: That dress is cheap — cheap like the cigarette cartoons in my mother’s freezer.
Daughter: It’s prom. You’re supposed to look cheap.

Salt Lake City, Utah

Dude: Eggs are just chicken menstruation.
Tired guy: Best menstruation I’ve ever had!

Overheard by: douglas

Four-year-old boy, dancing happily down sidewalk: I'm like a princess! I'm like Cinderella!
Mother: Except you stink. So more like stinkerella.


Hottie: Here ya go — put this in your man-purse for me, please.
Indie boyfriend, indignantly: It’s not a man-purse! It’s a medical evac bag!
Hottie: Okay. You got any bandages or sterile alcohol in there?
Indie boyfriend: … No.
Hottie: Yeah, right — it’s a man-purse. [Guy sullenly puts item in bag.]

Target, Saint Matthews
Louisville, Kentucky

Boy: Dad, why do toilets flush?
Dad, irritated: I don’t know.
Boy: I think it is so no one can steal the poop.

Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: Pooper Snooper