Woman screaming into phone: You need to chill the fuck out!

San Francisco, California

Undergrad, explaining why he can't answer a question: I'm just tired today. I'm sorry.
Very old professor, non-native English speaker: You are tired?
Student: Yes, I'm sick.
Very old professor: What disease do you have?
Student: I…uh, it's just a cold.
Very old professor: Yes, a cold is not considered disease. You are healthy. You are alive!

Classroom, University of Colorado
Boulder, Colorado

Girl #1: How come I always feel drunk whenever you're drunk?
Girl #2: I don't know.
Girl #1: I think we're drunk cycling together!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

Exasperated-sounding woman to small child: If you're not gonna cry properly, then don't cry at all.


Overheard by: Raptor

Girl to friend: I know, it'll be so uncomfortable I can't wait! Though if someone licks me this time I'm not gonna be okay with it.

Red Deer

Overheard by: Intrigued

Female student: I feel like I have a really tough skin, because I was always teased by my dad from the moment I was born.
Male student (in very serious, philosophical tone): Scorn was your breast milk.

University of Southern California

Overheard by: Got milk?

Paralytically drunk trainee Russian orthodox priest, lying on pool table, smoking a joint: Fuck! I've got to get to church in two hours…

Leamington Spa

Overheard by: Bleep

Girl #1: Does she need a green card?
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: So he just loves her?

Los Angeles, California

Woman: I felt so bad. I was like, “it's okay, you can leave your pool cue there, come dance with me.”
Friend: And then you left him in the middle of the dance floor.
Woman: I didn't know he was blind!
Friend: So you blew him?
Woman: Did I?

Hot Springs, Idaho

Girl: I wish I had a lovable face. My face is deceitful.

Bakersfield, California

Overheard by: Sarah