Paralytically drunk trainee Russian orthodox priest, lying on pool table, smoking a joint: Fuck! I've got to get to church in two hours…

Leamington Spa

Overheard by: Bleep

Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: My friend said that I should use Photoshop and imagination to do this. I have Photoshop, but where can I get imagination? I've never heard of it.
White boyfriend: You're kidding me, right?
Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: What?
White boyfriend: There is no software called “imagination.” Just use your imagination. Duh!
Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: You're so not getting a blowjob tonight.


Overheard by: The white boyfriend

Loud smoking kid: Man, I gotta help out at vacation bible school next week.
Girl: Why?
Loud smoking kid: I promised Zach I would if I wasn't in jail.

Sewanee, Tennessee

Man, offered a cigarette: No, I never smoke.
Woman, offering cigarette: Come on, you won’t get cancer from one cigarette. Well, if you do, you’ll know where it came from.

Overheard by: standing outside

Random smoker at party: If Jesus cockblocks me one more time, I am going to find where he lives!

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Claire

Smoker girl: How did you get that scrape on your arm?
Inked boy: Well, TJ picked me up in the parking lot the other night after the club, like literally, picked me up and carried me over to Halfbreed, and threw me to him, but Halfbreed didn't know what was going on and so we both fell over.
Smoker girl: Ouch.
Inked boy: So apparently, all it takes to knock him down is a hundred-thirty-five pound Italian projectile surprise.
Smoker girl: Do you stay awake at night thinking of these little quips? Or do they just come to you in moments of genius?
Inked boy: No, I thought of it that night. I've just been waiting to use it.

Providence, Rhode Island

Smoking man in expensive suit to smoking woman in expensive dress: And then, either way, you're a zombie. Right?


Redhead gay in short shorts: Did you ever imagine yourself falling in love with a ginger vegetarian?
Smoking gay in short shorts (taking drag from cigarette): Not in a million years.

Overheard by: Ian

Stoned girl with drink in one hand and cigarette in the other: I’m a fucking Christian, so I know you’re wrong!

Northern Ireland

Guy: You!
Smoking, unsuspecting girl: Me? What'd I do?
Guy: Do you know how lonely it's been since you and Dave* quit smoking? Then everyone started to quit! And now you're smoking again?! At first it was all cute: “Awwww, Emily and Dave* are quitting together! They're like each other's rocks!” Then what happened?!
Smoking girl, sheepishly: We sunk.
Guy: And was it your idea for Dave to start rolling his own cigarettes?!
Smoking girl: Yes…
Guy, exasperated: Every time I ask him for a cigarette, it's like smoking a diaper!

New Jersey