Girl on first date: I love animals.
Guy on first date: I love animals, too, but I see a snake and I’ll shoot it in the face.
–Union Square
Girl on first date: I love animals.
Guy on first date: I love animals, too, but I see a snake and I’ll shoot it in the face.
–Union Square
Dude #1: Do anything this weekend?
Dude #2: Yeah, went to my cousin’s wedding.
Dude #1: Open bar?
Dude #2: Yeah, but I don’t drink, ’cause I’m an alcoholic, so I only had a couple vodka tonics.
–Jacob Javits Convention Center
Man: I’m trying to work out to drop some weight.
Lady: Yeah, my girlfriend and I been goin’ to the gym to make our booties clap.
Man: Aw, yeah?
Lady: You know, makin’ em clap, gettin’ ’em right.
Man: Yeah, like, I seen this girl on TV — I think her name is Tastee…
Lady: That girl from Flavor of Love?
Man: No, not Toastee — like, a real girl, named Tastee. Her booty makes a sound like [claps his hands loudly three times]. It, like, smacks itself.
Lady: Damn.
–Rite Aid, Grand & Clinton
Overheard by: Beth P.
30-ish man: I’m getting fat and going bald. These are the number one and number two things that men fear.
30-ish lady: What about impotence and gay?
30-ish man: Okay, then — numbers three and four.
–70th & Broadway
Pudgy guy: I got her number.
Female friend: Oh, you did?! Wow, you must have been charming.
Pudgy guy: I know!
Female friend: I wouldn’t give you my number.
Pudgy guy: Oh, I know… The alcohol helped.
–89th & 3rd
Guy #1: I can’t wait until June.
Guy #2: Because of the iPhone?
Guy #1: Uhhh… No.
–Christopher St & 6th Ave
Jock: Hey, you got a haircut.
Bored pal: Yeah, I did.
Jock: You don’t look like a lesbian anymore.
Bored pal: No, I don’t look like a lesbian.
Jock: Now you just look like a scary gay.
–Gym class, Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Bimbette: Yeah, well, I don’t give head.
Guy: Oh, why? You don’t like it?
Bimbette: No, it’s just that I’m afraid to get pregnant!
–78th & 41st
Overheard by: rain
Dude #1: So I was, like, having intercourse with my girlfriend’s mom, and my girlfriend came home and caught us.
Dude #2: That happened to me before.
–D train
Overheard by: Ed
