Guys

That’s a Television, Mr. President.

Man sitting outside building: Hey, Angelo! You know why I sit over here?
Bored doorman: Why?
Man: You can see those midgets straight through there gettin’ in and out of that box! They do things you wouldn’t believe! Outfits and everything!

–77th St, between Lex & 3rd Ave

Headline by: nick

Runners-Up:
· “Count Me In!” – Lalaith
· “And with a Little Peanut Butter, You Can Get Them to Lick You anywhere.” – Jeff P
· “Dude, That’s a Fucking Playground” – s h
· “Like Babies but Cuter!” – Tellulah
· “Otis Gets Cable” – D. Kareem
· “That Box? Lindsay Lohan.” – sweetchuck

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Please Go Stand Over There

Dude #1: Phew, it’s warm down here.
Dude #2: Yeah, we should blow on each other.

–Crowded platform, 59th St

Overheard by: Lillian

Then Made Me Promise Not to Tell Mom

Guy #1: I never peed on anybody. Never.
Guy #2, quietly: You peed on me in the shower.

–53rd & 9th

Now I Shit in a Bag — Totally Worth It

20-ish music enthusiast #1: Man, their last concert was so great — I got hospitalized right after.
20-ish music enthusiast #2: Seriously?!
20-ish music enthusiast #1: Yeah, man. I guess I suffered some abdominal tearing…

–Metro-North

Overheard by: gotta start driving to work again…

You’re Not Using My Back As a TV Table

Guy #1: Actually, I can only have orgasms while I eat good food.
Guy #2: This is why I wear diapers.

–Richardson St & Graham Ave, Williamsburg

Overheard by: martimus

More for Me, Then

Dude #1: Man, let’s get out of here. These girls are ready, and there’s free condoms right over there.
Dude #2: No way, man. I wanna jump around to this music some more.

–Irving Plaza

Overheard by: Jay

Can’t She Just Obsessively View My Facebook Profile Like a Normal Ex?

Guy #1: Man, I don’t know what to do! I can’t get rid of my crazy ex! We’ve been broken up for almost a year now and I told her, ‘I don’t want to see you or speak to you any more,’ and she said, ‘I’m going to make your life miserable.’ Then she had the audacity to send my current girlfriend a message on Facebook saying, ‘We need to talk’ and asked my current girlfriend to call her. Then, a few weeks later, she shows up at my office. And just this week she send me a text saying, ‘I know we’re not speaking, but do you want to come out to dinner with me and meet my mom?’ What do I do?!
Guy #2: Oh my god, restraining order?!
Guy #1: And the sad part is that she has a dating column!
Guy #2: You mean she is giving other people dating advice?
Guy #1: Yup.

–Union Square

I’m in No Position to Find Her Morally Objectionable

Frumpy Asian guy: She’s a Hitler-lover.
Tall Aryan guy: I don’t care about the Hitler-lover thing as long as she’s hot. [High fives are exchanged.]

–Fordham University Rose Hill, Bronx

Interview with an Idiot

Dude: … And I stabbed her with a pencil. That’s when she turned into a vampire!
Friend: Are you serious?

–Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: Stef

Headline by: Arlene

Runners-Up:
· “Night Of the Living Spongebob” – Lalaith
· “Anne Rice Has Officially Run Out Of Ideas” – Jeff
· “It Might Be Time to Retire, Stephen King.” – space coyote
· “Sure I Am. Now Finish Your Paint Chips.” – Craig should be working
· “Tom Cruise Explains Scientology” – Meg
· “Undead Serious” – t.a.m.s.y.

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

And Inexplicably Looove Titanic

Dude #1: The Japanese can’t be that racist!
Dude #2: All I’m saying is, drop another couple of nukes on them and they’re still going to hate the blacks.

–Eastchester & Morris Park, Bronx

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