Hipsters

Wednesday One-Liners Have Relations with Relations

Black dude on cell: No! No one outside of the family sleeps with my Grandma!

–Parking lot

Man to dogs sniffing each other: Stop! Do not molest your sister in public!

–57th St & 7th Ave

Girl: I’d love to date you, but first we need to get a blood test to make sure we’re not second cousins.

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: tj

Mid-40s guy: So, it was like me on my grandparents’ bed with my mom…

–Penn Station

Hipster on cell: Thanksgiving ended, and we still don’t know. Is Leland having sex with his father’s girlfriend?

–Outside UCB Theatre

Good to See That Stereotype Becoming Race-Neutral

White hipster #1 watching a white guy climb a streetlight: What the hell?
White hipster #2: White people are crazy.
White hipster #1: Yeah! They’re like monkeys!

–Orchard St near Houston

Overheard by: Julian

The Working Title Is A Womb with No View

Hipster guy: I just don’t think this is working out.
Chick: Oh, really? So are you, like, going to go home and write angry poetry about how my uterus oppresses you?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Linnea

Five Spokes

Hipster hootchie: I was in Miami a couple weeks ago and saw Lucy.
Queer: Oh yeah, how was that?
Hipster hootchie: It was good… Hung out on the beach… I didn’t know she had a wiener…
Queer: You didn’t know she had a wiener?!
Hipster hootchie: No, not until she started doing cartwheels.

–Bodega, Stanton & Ridge

Overheard by: Ryan

We Charged Admission, Which Kept the Riff-Raff Out

Hipster chick #1: So they leave, you know, and he starts making out with me right at the bar.
Hipster chick #2: Look at you!
Hipster chick #1: So I told him I didn’t really like making out in public.
Hipster chick #2: So did you go back to his place?
Hipster chick #1: No, but he was really sweet about it. He took me in the guys’ bathroom and we made out in there, like, in a stall.

–Spring & Bowery

Overheard by: John Osvald

Or They Might Have Just Moved Manhattan around It

Hipster teen #1: Dude, where the hell is Madison Square Garden?
Hipster teen #2: Yo, I don’t know. My mom said it’s over here somewhere. It was right here last time I came!
Hipster teen #1: Dude, they don’t just move Madison Square Garden.
Hipster teen #2: Yeah, you never know, though. With all them terrorists and shit, they got to move stuff all the time.

–36th & Broadway

Overheard by: Corrie

No-Class Wednesday One-Liners

Dude: Man, it was harder to cheat on that test than to just do it!

–23rd & Lex

Overheard by: Lisa

Girl on cell: Yo! I’m in class trying to act all straight, and it’s hard. No, I have a test right now. I took like four o’ that shit. I have to go, my professor’s here.

–John Jay College of Criminal Justice

Overheard by: hannah

JAP: Well, the professor hates me. He only thinks of me as the girl who leaves 20 minutes into his class, and I don’t know how to change it.

–Shun Lee Palace

Overheard by: colette

Student: Shit, my iPod is more important than my classes.

–Borough of Manhattan Community College

Overheard by: Caitl

Hipster teen: He got rejected from community college? He must have written on his essay, ‘I want to prey on Bronx Science kids and mug them.’

–6 train, 68th St

Overheard by: glad they went to private school

…Covering ‘Turning Japanese’

Hipster #1: Okay, so I am going to tap out a song on the table, and you are going to guess what it is!
Hipster #2: Okay, go. [As #1 taps] Oh, oh! I know! ‘Hakuna Matata,’ right?
Hipster #1: Um, no! God, you are so racist — just because we’re in a Japanese restaurant, you think it’s gotta be a Japanese song! It was ‘Death Cab for Cutie,’ you fool.

–Nobu, Hudson St

Overheard by: trying not to laugh behind them

The Gaydar is Strong with You, Young One

Little girl: Do you have a wife?
Hipster: … No…
Little girl: You don’t look like you do.

–DeKalb St & Hall St

The Monkeys in the Experiment Choose the Coke

Hipster girl #1: I better watch out — after the weight I lost, my mom is thinking I’m anorexic or something. I should start eating more.
Hipster girl #2: Yeah, or lay off the coke.
Hipster girl #1: Or that.

–Times Square

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