Jobs & Careers

Old Jewish lady: … And what do you want to be when you grow up?
Six-year-old girl: A shampoo girl.
Four-year-old boy: A hooker!
Mother, smoking: I like it when they have low expectations about life.

São Paulo

Six-year-old girl: Are you doing your job?
Lifeguard: Are you drowning?
Six-year-old girl: No.
Lifeguard: Then I'm doing my job.

Kiddie Pool
Great Neck, New York

Hoochie #1: I’m just an attention-whore, not a sex-whore.
Hoochie #2: I think I’m both.

Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Meesh

Old guy to friend: He got a new girl who works in the sex industry… and you know his fantasy has always been two women. I told him it'd never happen, but apparently it did. His girl has a friend who was willing to play along…

Holland, Michigan

Woman on cell: I'm coming to LA to make 100 Egyptian army uniforms, then I'm going back.

International Airport
El Paso, Texas

Overheard by: V

School counselor, trying to get kids to guess a career: This person might work in fashion, or decorate houses…
Fourth grader: A gay guy!

Raleigh, North Carolina

Sad dude: The great thing about being a bike courier is that my muscles no longer respond to commands unrelated to bicycling. For instance, I just spilled a Caesar salad all over my pants.

Out-of-towner: I like being paid in envelopes; it makes me feel like a prostitute.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Jonathan

Middle aged redneck to cute four-year-old girl: You’re just as sharp as your great granddaddy! You’re gonna grow up to write about public restrooms in America!

Gas Station
Waco, Texas

Music history professor, putting a CD in the player: And now we pray to the god of CDs. It’s not good to be a teacher with CDs. They are very stupid things. [Pause.] …It’s not good to be a teacher, perhaps that’s what it is.

Peabody Conservatory
Baltimore, Maryland