Little girl #1: So, I hear your mom is going to have a baby.
Little girl #2: Oh my god, I know! It’s going to totally ruin my social life!
–Bloomingdale Park, Staten Island
Little girl #1: So, I hear your mom is going to have a baby.
Little girl #2: Oh my god, I know! It’s going to totally ruin my social life!
–Bloomingdale Park, Staten Island
Little girl: Daddy, save my seat!
Dad: I can’t.
Little girl: Yes, you can — just put your hand on the seat.
Dad: But then someone might sit on my hand, and they might have a smelly butt, like you.
–1 train
Mom: Where’s Billy?
Kid: He’s back there, asleep on the toilet paper. [Family looks back and sees Billy resting his head on stack of toilet paper rolls.] Come on, Billy. We’ve got toilet paper you can sleep on at home.
–Target
Overheard by: Scott
Kid in stroller, to dad trying on sport coat: You look like a principal!
–Zara, 5th Ave
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Seven-year-old girl to doorman: I have diarrhea!
–Cornelia St
Two-year-old girl to woman with Froot Loops: You really shouldn’t buy that cereal. It’s bad for you.
–Duane Reade, UWS
Seven-year-old on cell: Emily, I’ve been trying to call you, like, three times! Are you still mad at me about… [looks around crowded bus and lowers his voice] … you know…?
–Shuttle bus, Flushing
Little girl to mom: It’s not that I want a pretzel — I need a pretzel.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Meagan
Little boy shaking his hips: Tryin’ make me go to rehab, I said no, no, no! [Later, to woman behind register] Do you have Rugrats Gone Wild?
–Blockbuster, 10th & Wanamaker Pl
Overheard by: Lily and Rebecca
Lady: Happy Halloween! Where’s your goody bag?
Little girl, dressed as Cowardly Lion: I don’t want that candy! We’re going to buy some. We’re going to buy our own!
Dad: Don’t be proud, sweetie. Just take the candy.
–130th & Lenox
Little girl, holding herself and shivering: Daddy, Daddy — my heart is cold!
Father: Your heart is cold?
Little girl: Yes, it’s cold!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Lai
Subway entrepreneur: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the interruption. I am homeless and in need of your assistance. If you cannot give, I will not make you feel bad. I will accept anything you can give. [Continues for five minutes, ignored.] Ain’t nobody gonna give? Y’all just a bunch of cheap-ass motherfuckers! [Disembarks.]Sincere child: I thought he said he wouldn’t make us feel bad.
–Myrtle Ave stop
Overheard by: Confused Commuter
Son: Mom, you need your eyebrows waxed!
Mother: Daniel, you’re not supposed to say that!
Son, whining: But you need your eyebrows waxed… You need your eyebrows waxed, you need your eyebrows waxed, you need your eyebrows waxed!
–4 train
Little boy #1: So, yeah — the human race is pretty much the root of all evil.
Little boy #2: But you’re a human. It’s like you’re insulting yourself.
Little boy #1: Nuh-uh. I’m an android, remember?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Toastuh
