Suit #1: It’s not that I don’t like golf, but it is so similar to croquet, yet everyone makes fun of me for playing croquet!
Suit #2: Well, maybe it is because it’s an old lady’s sport.
Suit #1: Well, then goddammit — old ladies sure know how to have fun!
–59th & Broadway
Bus driver to lady at stop: There are three more buses behind me! They like to stick together! They don’t like to be alone!
–B41 bus
Bus drive: Next stop, Queensborough Community College — where dreams come true. If you ever thought of going back to college, but are too scared, thinking, ‘Oh, I’m too old,’ well, you should go to school. Now arriving at QCC… And remember, knowledge is power.
–Q27 Bayside bus
Overheard by: Caro-kun
Bus driver, about traffic jam: Ladies and gentlemen, Fifth Avenue will be the next stop. We will be arriving in seven to ten days. [Minutes later] Attention! The waiter will be around shortly to take your dinner orders. The next crosstown movie will be Gone with the Wind.
–M79 bus
Bus driver: Does anyone know the route once we get to the airport? If you do, please step forward.
–M60 bus to LaGuardia
Overheard by: Stephen B.
Bus driver to woman running towards the stop as the bus slows down: Calm down, lady! There isn’t any crack that way! Relax!
–Atlantic Ave
Bus driver, as passengers are disembarking: Leave my kingdom. Education is just two minutes away.
–B1 bus, Kingsborough College
Overheard by: Robert
20-ish girl, looking at armoire: You know what we could do with one of these? If you ever have kids and you don’t want to look at them, you can put them in one of these. [Friend laughs hysterically.] Oh my god, I’ve killed you.
–9th floor of Macy’s, Herald Square
Smiling dad to giggling infant he’s holding: Yeah, get yo’ laugh on!
–49th & 10th
Overheard by: chris
Chick: … And that’s how I had a miscarriage. Oh! That reminds of a funny story!
–NYU
Young suit: Ray* would be a better salesman if he wasn’t trying to be funny all the time. Like me — I can turn it off at the right times. Like, just today I said to Lynn*, ‘We should just take lunch for the rest of the day,’ and she said, ‘Just not come back, right?’ So I said, ‘You know me — I actually like to work all day and all night long,’and she said that I was hilarious…
–2 train
Columbia chick: I broke up with a guy once for being too funny. He was giving me wrinkles from laughing so hard!
–116th & Broadway
Cop to others: You know what’s really fucking funny? Everybody around here looks fucking suspicious.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Morgan
