Boy: My name is Jack* and I am not intimidating.
Girl: My name is Jill* and I am very intimidating.
Boy: Fortunately, I am a few drinks in, and not very intimidated.
–Bar, Brooklyn
Boy: My name is Jack* and I am not intimidating.
Girl: My name is Jill* and I am very intimidating.
Boy: Fortunately, I am a few drinks in, and not very intimidated.
–Bar, Brooklyn
Student: What’s your name?
Professor: Doesn’t matter. Someday we will all be famous and anonymous.
–NYU
Overheard by: teaching the future of america
Old man at the bar: Everyday that I wake up and see that my name isn’t in the obituaries is a good day.
–Cafe des Artistes Bar
Older woman, to friend: Then we’re going to have to do the suntan lotion thing, and that’s going to be a nightmare.
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: EthanK
Pre-teen boy, to friend: Yo, man, there’s a lot of old people on this train. I bet they’re all wishing they were our age again. Suckers!
–N Train
Overheard by: Hannah
Old lady, to man playing steel drums as she dances along to the music: Shalom! That was awesome, my man!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Courtney Messer
Elderly woman to elderly friends: So then Andy comes down in his bikini, and of course all the old women go crazy…
–56th & 1st Ave
Old lady looking into fancy cafe: Another shithole!
–74th near Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Old lady: Geraldine, do you want to come up later and play… With my wireless router!
–Clark & Herny
Overheard by: Lacy
Woman looking for friend who got lost in massive crowd: Marco! Marco!
Massive crowd of people: Polo!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Julia
Pregnant woman: Can I cut in front of you, it’s an emergency?
Unpregnant man: Yeah no problem, but you better name that shit after me.
–Famiglia, 8th & Broadway
Loud chick #1: So, they instituted a dress code for the entire office because, like, one woman walks around with these low-cut blouses with her girls out.
Loud chick #2: Are yours girls? Mine are boys. One’s named Lou* and the other’s named Stan*.
–A train
Overheard by: aja
Middle-aged woman: I think her name was something like… Something like Charlemagne.
Barnard girl: You mean Chante?
Middle-aged woman: I was close! I was close!
Barnard girl: Yeah, I think Charlemagne was someone completely different.
–Barnard College
Overheard by: Miss Bonaparte
College student: This is the best Barnes & Noble I've ever seen!
–Borders, Time Warner Center
Student: So, the author of the Tao Te Ching, Lao-low… Fuck it, we're calling him L-train.
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: Harker
Large woman with friends: Oh, girl, I got to tell you about this book I'm reading. It's off the hook! They're sending in this undercover agent, and I think it's his sister, but he's all getting ready to have sex with her!
–White Castle, 36th & 8th
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Woman on phone: I was in Union Square, so I stopped in Barnes & Noble. (pause) Nigga, I can read!
–Union Square
Little British boy: Oh my goodness, dad, look! They have books on dating. How to Date? is probably like, "Don't take her to McDonald's!"
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Laura
Tattooed artsy guy, putting hand on artsy Asian girl's shoulder: I read your book and really liked it… lotta pissing, huh?
–Mott & Prince
Girl on cell: Honey, they zapped my asshole.
–Outside Tribeca Grand Hotel
Girl to friends: There’s this boy in my class, and his name is Ash-oh-lee, but it’s spelled A-S-S-H-O-L-E, with an accent on the E… His mama named him Asshole!
–Bus, between 77th & 76th
Overheard by: It’s a Jersey thing
Queer on cell: Tell him that if his asshole tingles, he’ll know I’m near.
–Franklin & Broadway
Hobo: It doesn’t take a genius to see it. He’s a flaming asshole who needs to be spanked.
–Times Square
Overheard by: i wish i was a tourist sometimes
Man to friend: He’s a fuckin’ asshole… Even in a wheelchair he’s a fuckin’ asshole!
–9th St & 2nd Ave
Chick: Oh, he’s much better than any other guy I’ve dated… He’s not an asshole, he’s not Type A… My only problem with him is that he’s not depressed enough.
–Amore’s Pizza, 14th St
Overheard by: dues
Guy #1: Yeah man, she’s kind of a hippie. I mean, her name is Maple.
Guy #2: Maple? You should tap that shit.
–3rd Avenue & 11th Street
Overheard by: thejosh
