Guy #1, shouting: We’re in the Village!
Guy #2: The Village?
Guy #1: We’re in the Village!
Guy #2: Ok… The Village…
Guy #1: So if someone grabs your dick, you know what it means!

–West 4th St Station

Overheard by: DS

Douchebag, pointing to his iTunes: Look see, I listen to classical music too! I have “Greensleeves” by Mozart!
Friend: You spelled “Mozart” “Motzart.”

–8th & University

Boy: My name is Jack* and I am not intimidating.
Girl: My name is Jill* and I am very intimidating.
Boy: Fortunately, I am a few drinks in, and not very intimidated.

–Bar, Brooklyn

Student: What’s your name?
Professor: Doesn’t matter. Someday we will all be famous and anonymous.


Overheard by: teaching the future of america

Old man at the bar: Everyday that I wake up and see that my name isn’t in the obituaries is a good day.

–Cafe des Artistes Bar

Older woman, to friend: Then we’re going to have to do the suntan lotion thing, and that’s going to be a nightmare.

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: EthanK

Pre‐teen boy, to friend: Yo, man, there’s a lot of old people on this train. I bet they’re all wishing they were our age again. Suckers!

–N Train

Overheard by: Hannah

Old lady, to man playing steel drums as she dances along to the music: Shalom! That was awesome, my man!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Courtney Messer

Elderly woman to elderly friends: So then Andy comes down in his bikini, and of course all the old women go crazy…

–56th & 1st Ave

Old lady looking into fancy cafe: Another shithole!

–74th near Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Old lady: Geraldine, do you want to come up later and play… With my wireless router!

–Clark & Herny

Overheard by: Lacy

Woman looking for friend who got lost in massive crowd: Marco! Marco!
Massive crowd of people: Polo!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Julia

Pregnant woman: Can I cut in front of you, it’s an emergency?
Unpregnant man: Yeah no problem, but you better name that shit after me.

–Famiglia, 8th & Broadway

Loud chick #1: So, they instituted a dress code for the entire office because, like, one woman walks around with these low‐cut blouses with her girls out.
Loud chick #2: Are yours girls? Mine are boys. One’s named Lou* and the other’s named Stan*.

–A train

Overheard by: aja

Middle‐aged woman: I think her name was something like… Something like Charlemagne.
Barnard girl: You mean Chante?
Middle‐aged woman: I was close! I was close!
Barnard girl: Yeah, I think Charlemagne was someone completely different.

–Barnard College

Overheard by: Miss Bonaparte

College student: This is the best Barnes & Noble I’ve ever seen!

–Borders, Time Warner Center

Student: So, the author of the Tao Te Ching, Lao‐low… Fuck it, we’re calling him L‑train.

–Eugene Lang College

Overheard by: Harker

Large woman with friends: Oh, girl, I got to tell you about this book I’m reading. It’s off the hook! They’re sending in this undercover agent, and I think it’s his sister, but he’s all getting ready to have sex with her!

–White Castle, 36th & 8th

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Woman on phone: I was in Union Square, so I stopped in Barnes & Noble. (pause) Nigga, I can read!

–Union Square

Little British boy: Oh my goodness, dad, look! They have books on dating. How to Date? is probably like, “Don’t take her to McDonald’s!”

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Laura

Tattooed artsy guy, putting hand on artsy Asian girl’s shoulder: I read your book and really liked it… lotta pissing, huh?

–Mott & Prince