Man: Excuse me, waitress!
Barista: I’m not a waitress.
Man: Kidding… What’s your name?
Barista: Alyenne.
Man: Do you spell that like “Alien”?
Barista glares.
Man: Kidding…
–168th & Broadway
Man: Excuse me, waitress!
Barista: I’m not a waitress.
Man: Kidding… What’s your name?
Barista: Alyenne.
Man: Do you spell that like “Alien”?
Barista glares.
Man: Kidding…
–168th & Broadway
Teen boy #1: Yo man, I’m gonna join a gang!
Teen boy #2: Ah, ya? What gang?
Teen boy #1: Aladdin Kings.
Teen boy #3: What the fuck kinda Disney gang is that? Latin Kings, man! Latin Kings!
–A train
Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleeding? [unintelligible reply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [reply] We have to find a way to separate the cows from the sheep.
–Elevator, 56th & 8th
Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a llama! Another cocktail and a llama!
–Terminal 5
Dude: So you’re enjoying acting, LA, monogamy, horses?
–Cafe Esperanto
Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not doing shots out of that alligator!
–TriBeCa
Overheard by: lalala
Swanky pin‐stripe suit on cellphone: The little shit will definitely get approved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox.
–51st & 3rd
Overheard by: IG
Young black dude: You know the movie The Lion King? Yeah The Lion King! …You know, the one with all the tigers.
–4 Train
Overheard by: BQM lady
Man: Manatees are the most peaceful creatures in the world… They get hit by motor boats!
–Astor Place
AIG employee: Hey, did you see they took down the AIG building sign?
Friend: Why, because people were throwing eggs at it?
AIG employee: No, they are considering a rebrand of the name. AIU: American International Underwriters.
Friend: They should rename it “IOU.”
–Metro‐North Train
Conductor: This is 72nd St. Stand clear of the closing doors. B train. B for “brighten up your day” train. (at the next stop) Folks, this is 59th Street, and just like magic we are now an express train. B express train. Stand clear of the closing doors.
–B Train
Overheard by: ryder
Train conductor: You can transfer to the M as in “money,” the N as in “Nick,” and the R as in “Romeoooooo!”
–D Train
Guy on cell, giving directions: So you take the D line… No, D as in “David.” D! D! A, b, c, d! (pause) No, D. Okay…then you walk down to Hoffman Street… Hoffman Street, as in “Dustin Hoffman.” He’s that actor, with a big nose, that you really like, the one that’s in that movie about your life…yeah…yeah! He’s a cross‐dresser! Tootsie! That’s you, bro!
–Arthur Ave
Overheard by: eternal student
Creepy old man to creepy friend: We should be on the V. V for “vagina”. We’re on the F. F for “fuck.”
–Downtown F Train
Overheard by: CL
Conductor: There is no C train like “Charlie” all weekend. The D train like “Dick” is helping us out. I probably shouldn’t have said that. It’s okay, you’ll overlook that when I tell you that this A train will keep its express status.
–A Train
Overheard by: Nay
Creepster to woman with child entering train: You can sit here. There’s no reason to be standing when you have a child with you. (woman sits) Not to sound creepy, but the view was much better when you were standing.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Creeped out.
Black hobo to young white girl: If you and I got together, we could make the next Obama.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Katie
Greasy white suit to hot black chick: My name is Mark, but you can call me “The Vagina Whisperer.”
–Moe’s Bar. Brooklyn
Guy hitting on four younger girls: I’ll take you home and we can do something weird… I’ll pour honey all over you. Then I’ll put you in the closet and let loose 200 bees in there with you! Or, we could do sexy‐weird! I’ll pour butter all over you, and I’ll make toast, and I’ll wipe the butter off your back with it!
–1 Train
Older fat man yelling at attractive young woman: Hey bay! You’re beautiful! Look at me! You don’t want to say hi? (spreads his arms) Hey, come on, look at me. I’m Tony Baloney.
–Broadway & Hewes, Brooklyn
Dude #1: So where’s the union?
Dude #2: Union?
Dude #1: This is Union Square, right?
–Union Square
Overheard by: P. Mills
Bimbette #1: Oh my god, you just called me Breanne.
Bimbette #2: I always call you Breanne.
Bimbette #1: Oh, yeah! You’re right… I totally miss my name…
–Walgreens, Empire State Building
Overheard by: seriously?
Little girl with brand new doll: Mommy, what should I name her? I think I’ll name her “Pussy”!
Mother: Uh!
Little girl: Pussy! Like “pussycat”!
Mother: Okay… maybe we should think of a different name!
Hipster sitting next to them: I’m going to have to send a few texts about this.
–Bus
Overheard by: bradlea
