Hobo #1: Bitches is crazy, crazy. Had no choice but to fuck that squirrel.
Hobo #2: Nooo, nooo.
Hobo #1: Yup, yup. That squirrel was worth five cents.
Hobo #2: Nooo, I’ll tell you how much that squirrel was worth. $15.98.
–St. Johns Pl, Park Slope
Hobo #1: Bitches is crazy, crazy. Had no choice but to fuck that squirrel.
Hobo #2: Nooo, nooo.
Hobo #1: Yup, yup. That squirrel was worth five cents.
Hobo #2: Nooo, I’ll tell you how much that squirrel was worth. $15.98.
–St. Johns Pl, Park Slope
Ugly frat boy #1: Dude, you’re right — your sister is very mannish. She looks like a cross between you and Ben.
Ugly frat boy #2: Yeah, I like it that way.
–R train, Park Slope
Girl #1: What would you do if a guy took you to a hotel for Valentine’s Day?
Girl #2: I guess I’d be like, ‘Oh, how sweet…’ Get into bed… Then shove a glass vase up his ass and run away. Naked. If he moved the glass vase would break and tear up his asshole, and he’d be pooping shards of glass out for a week.
–Park Slope
15-year-old girl #1 tapping cigarette box: I totally think that these make me look classy. A person with a box of cigarettes just looks classy.
15-year-old girl #2, giggling: Yeah, I don’t know what he’s talking about. Cigarettes look way better in a mouth than a penis.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Stereotype or caricature
Kid #1: Yo, Silent Bob lives in that place.
Kid #2: No, he doesn’t. He’s from New Jersey.
Kid #1: No famous people live in New Jersey.
–Park Slope
Mother, scolding: And this is the same little boy who took out his penis in a nice restaurant.
Little boy: It was a wonderful restaurant!
–Garfield Pl, Park Slope
Overheard by: ruckerbry
Barbershop music segues from the Godfather theme to an old-time jazz tune.
Old Italian barber #1: That’s nice music.
Old Italian barber #2: Yeah, we only play dead guys in here.
–Park Slope Barber Shop
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Yuppie mom: What did you do today, honey?
Three-year-old daughter: I don’t feel like talking, Mommy!
–10th & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Father: Come on, hurry up, we’re gonna be late!
Three-year-old son: But Dad… [Tugs at dad’s coat.]Father: What did I just say? Not now!
Three-year-old son: But, but it’s important–
Father: It better be the most fucking important thing in the world if you’re gonna keep slowing me down!
Three-year-old son: But it is important!
Father: Fine! [Stops walking.] Well, what is it then, if it’s the most important thing in the world?
Three-year-old son: I love you.
Father, after a pause: Well, that’s great, but this is not the time for love, okay? Got it?
Three-year-old son: I guess so…
–5th & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: Mike N
Kid in stroller: I want rice!
Mom: You don’t want no rice.
Kid: I don’t want no rice.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: djingo
