Irritated English professor: I think I'm just going to change all my paper assignments to “create an inscrutable utterance.”

Ursinus College

Loud girl: And my mother said to me, “Well, I guess you're an adult now, since you have adult sex.” And I was like, “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” and she was like, “I opened your cupboard.” and I was thinking, “Oh shit!” because I've got a lot of shit in there. I've got porn, I've got a vibrator, a cock ring. I've got things she doesn't even know what to call them!

University of Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Alex Remnick

Psych professor: I think it’s a usable vagina.

University of Pennsylvania
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: I’d use it

Recent college grad: Wait, you mean elephants are mammals?!

York, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: not a mammal either

Teen girl #1: Oh my gosh, look — Catholic school kids!
Teen girl #2: Erica! Don’t say that!
Teen girl #1: What? … Is that racist?

Franklin Institute
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: not catholic

Crazy old white lady trying on wedding veil: So I always wondered why I didn't look good in these things…until 2004.
Disinterested customer: Oh?
Crazy old white lady: Yeah, then I found out I was part Native American. At least 5%.
Disinterested customer (confused): Oh…?
Crazy, old white lady: Yeah. That's why I don't look good in veils. Cause we Native Americans don't wear them.
Disinterested customer: I got married in a courthouse.
Crazy old white lady: I hate to say it since I am part white, but damn those white people!

Altoona, Pennsylvania

Guy to friend: Well, some armpits smell good, too.

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Turtle

Cub Scout #1: Your dad has hairy arms.
Cub Scout #2: You know what else is hairy? His penis!
Cub Scout #1: Yeah. So is my mom’s.

Cub Scout Camp

Elderly man to elderly gaggle: Why's everyone wasting their time trying to raise money for Africa? Africa's a wretched country.

Max's German Restaurant
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy #1: Man, I've tried everything. I don't know what to do.
Guy #2: Have you tried sex?
Guy #1: Actually, no…

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania