Physics professor: First we’ll put it in the A hole and then we’ll put it in the other hole.

Allegheny College

Woman on the street: In the past 24 hours someone a shoved a dead bird in the grill of my truck!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Little girl running back from bathroom with her father: Mommy, I got pee on my finger!

Perkins restaurant
Erie, Pennsylvania

Blonde ditz: Oh my god, Philadelphia is, like, pockets!
Brunette ditz: I know, right? There are just sooooo many pockets!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: hands in my pockets

Guy: The only thing greasier than Johnny Rockets’ hamburgers is the staff.

South Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Herbie McHebrew

Woman on cell: She'd look sharp if she had some teeth. She's just got to go get those teeth, though!

33 Bus
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Alyson

Gay man: Listen, we've all shat, we've all farted, we've all touched ourselves, and we've all used a dildo.
Girls: Ummm… no.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Thugette #1: Girl, you slept wif him?!
Thugette #2: I know — he ugly and got crabs, but I made him buy me drugs first.
Thugette #1: True dat.

Campus shuttle, Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Steveo

Spanish teacher: And you really have to be careful what you eat, because they have a lot of E. Coli problems.
Teenage girl: E. Coli? Like in those commercials with the cough drops?
Spanish teacher: What?
Teenage girl: Y'know, like the “Eeee-coliiii…”

Jersey Shore High School

Overheard by: shana yo mamma

Hippie wannabe: Mmm, this tastes so much better than a non-solar-powered smoothie.

Dickinson College Earthfest
Carlisle, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Future Unemployed